back to your love; van mccann

part 15

chapter fifteen

charlotte

it seems like years before van finally comes back and i continue to bite my nails as i sit on the couch in what was once our flat. i jump a little as he comes in and slams the door shut, scaring the shit out of me. he throws his keys on the table and then proceeds to kick the trash can in frustration, ending up in knocking over some unlit candles.

"van, what's wrong? how did it go?" i ask him, deciding not to get up since i don't know how to react around him anymore.

"they fucking kicked us off the label, that's what's wrong!" he yells at me, causing me to flinch at his tone.

"you can't do anything to get it back?" i ask, watching him as he sits down on a chair in the living room, his face in his hands as he rests his elbows on his knees.

"no, that was the last fucking straw." he says and i feel guilty.

"i never wanted you to put me before your band. you know that." i say timidly, and he pinches the bridge of his nose in annoyance.

"yeah well it's too late for that now." he coldly remarks and i suck in a harsh breath.

it's silent for a few minutes so i stand up, making my way to the hallway to grab some of my stuff. he's still in the same position he was and i set my things by the front door.

"where are you going?" he asks, looking to my bag and then to me.

"i'm going to go find somewhere to stay. i don't want to cause any more trouble and you need to focus on the band." i say and he immediately gets up.

"you're not going anywhere, charlotte. i've fought and fought for you to just stay with me even after all the shit you've done and you're still trying to leave me?" he says, his voice cracking at the end but he quickly coughs to cover up.

"i feel like a burden, van. i know you don't want me anymore. i've ruined your friendship with bondy and i feel so guilty. i need to give you some space." i say, my eyes beginning to tear up.

"don't worry about him, all you need to worry about is our relationship right now." he says, his face scrunching up in disgust at the mention of his band mate.

"all you need to worry about is making ends meet with him. he's talked to me recently and he misses you a lot, this is beating him up." i say quietly and regret it as soon as he shoves the magazines off of one of the in tables by the couch.

"you what?! why the fuck are you talking to him!" he shouts, pacing back and forth across the room.

"he's not against you, van! we're over each other, he knows it's always gonna be you and i." i shout, telling him the truth.

"bull shit! he's been nothing but a jackass to me ever since i find out. everyone can see how smitten he is with you. it sickens me." he spits and i sigh in frustration.

his fists are clenched and he's breathing heavily as i make my way over to him. just as i'm about to wrap my arms around him, there's a knock at the door. van goes to open it and larry walks in with a confused look on his face.

"i heard yelling and stuff hitting the floor. why are you two arguing still?" larry asks as van shuts the door.

"charlotte is still talking to bondy even though she's trying to get back with me. it makes no fucking sense." van says, and i sigh in frustration.

"van, i've already told you it's over with him and i. that was the last conversation we had and it was a week ago!" i yell and larry looks back forth between me and van.

"you two need some time away from each other. away from the band and away from bondy. charlotte, you can stay with me while van has his space." larry says and i thank him, going to grab my things.

"how are we gonna work this out then? i need to be with her larry." van groans, rubbing a hand through his hair.

"what you two need is a break. an actual break. write some songs to get your thoughts out, lad." he says and i follow him out the door, not looking at van once on the way out.

-

it's been a few days since i've temporarily moved in with larry and it's been interesting. we talk but he knows what's on my mind and knows i don't want to bring it up. at the end of my call with my parents that i'm having, there's a knock at the door. larry isn't here at the moment so i get up to go answer it.

"bondy? what are you doing here?" i choke out when i open the door, instantly becoming paranoid.

"i came to see larry and have a couple of pints. what are you doing here?" he asks and i sigh.

"van and i are taking an actual break and this is the only place to go at the moment." i say, not looking him in the eye as he steps in the flat.

"van is literally right down the hallway. i think you two need a little bit more space than that." he argues and i glare at him.

"you don't have any say in what i do, bondy! we're not together and we shouldn't even be talking right now." i start to raise my voice and he runs a hand over his face.

"i didn't know you'd be here but since you are i figure we should just talk... you were pregnant?" he asks and i look down at my feet, crossing my arms across my chest.

"i don't want to talk about it." i mumble, not looking him in the eye.

"why not? we're alone for the first time in months. you can tell me charlotte, that baby could've been mine." he responds, stepping closer to me.

once he places his hands on my waist, i instantly wrap my arms around him, enveloping him in a hug. the tears begin to fall as his hold on me tightens. he runs his hands over my hair to calm me down and slowly but surely he succeeds.