'Well aren't you a pretty little thing,' Merle said, his voice sending a shiver down my spine.
'Get the hell off of me you asshole,' I yelled as he leaned in to put his hand on my shoulder. I walked up to Daryl who was explaining something to Rick.
'Hey, where the hell did you go? And who the hell is that drunk-ass Redneck you've brought back with you? This isn't some kind of party Daryl, what the hell are you playing at? And that scowl you just gave me, what did I do? Honestly you just---'
'Do you ever stop asking stupid questions? That drunk-ass Redneck is my brother, you ass. Now if you don't mind, I--'
'Oh, so I'm an ass now? You stop me from pretty much hacking a tree to bits and listen to me cry and cry and then you take off into the woods and come back as a complete changed person? I thought you were better than that, Daryl. And tell your dick of a brother to stop looking at Maggie's ass,' I shouted. I ran out of the room, barging into Daryl as I went past him.
I was angry. I was confused. I was upset that I'd seemingly just lost one of the only people that mattered to me anymore. I was relieved that Maggie and Carl were ok. I was aching because I still had a cut on my head from where I fell. I was feeling every single emotion that I could've possibly been feeling all at once, and I didn't know how to stop it.
The prison compound was huge but I didn't know where to go. The field was just open, so no privacy there. The corridors at the other side of block C reminded me too much of Lori, and Carol and T-Dog, when we cleared them out on the first day. Everywhere had too many memories or nightmares and I couldn't go to my cell, after I'd just walked out. I wanted to run so far away, and bury my head in my hands and feel sorry for myself and cry all over again, as if I hadn't got all my tears out the other day. I had no weapons though, so I decided to just head up into the watchtower and clear my mind. The trees swamped the horizon, but the sky was a gorgeous shade of deep orange, and the sun was setting over a cloudless plain of colour. I'd never watched a the sun go down before, and the whole thing just made me feel safe again. Safe was the one thing I'd not felt in my spur of emotion, and it was nice to welcome back.
'Wow,' I said to myself, smiling and swinging my legs under the railings.
'Its beautiful, isn't it?' I jumped at the sight of Carl behind me.
'Jheez, you scared me!' I squealed, poking him in the shoulder as he too sat down and swung his legs under the railings.
'I used to watch the sunset with mom and dad when I was really little,' he explained, shuffling closer to me. His voice had a hint of sadness in it but he also sounded relieved for something.
'She's gonna be missed, you know. But never forgotten. I can promise you that,'
'Yeah, I know. I guess its just the part about her never coming back that I don't understand. You know, how you've seen this person, loved this person, for every single day of your life , and then it just stops. You can try to replace them with a newer version but they will never be the same, or as good, as the original. You get me?'
'Uh-huh.' I suddenly realised then that I was crying. I rubbed my eyes and sighed, not even caring that Carl could see me. 'When my mom passed, we didn't even know what was happening. It was the first walker that we'd ever seen in our entire lives that killed her. I tried to save her but she was getting covered by them. She shouted to take care of my sisters, and that she loved me. But she wouldn't love me now,'
'Why not?' Carl asked, clearly confused. It was then that I saw, and heard, that he too was crying.
'Because I didn't do as she asked. I didn't take care of my sisters. They died, so I failed her. And then I shot them in the head because I didn't want them to be in pain. And then I just left and never went back, and I moved on too quickly and I didn't even grieve for them. I buried them in the backyard, the one I'd seen every day for years, and then I walked away from them. And I've killed again. I kill walkers every day, which makes me a murderer. And everyone else does it too which means I'm living with murderers. She'd hate me. My sisters would be scared of me, so they'd hate me too. And now I've messed it up with Daryl so he hates me too. There's no-one left to care anymore which is why I should've died with my sisters and mother. I should've gone too,' The tears were coming heavy now, but I wasn't paralyzed like I was the other day with Daryl. I was letting them fall from my sore eyes and I just didn't care anymore.
