If heart ache was a physical pain, I could face it.

Part Forty Six

Max’s POV

At first the only thing I can register is the ringing in my ears. I know the gun went off, but where it was pointing at the time I honestly couldn’t tell you. Tom seems to be having the same trouble as he slowly rolls himself off of me as if in a daze.

And then I see it.

He’s covered in blood.

I did it.

And that’s when the guilt kicks in through the blurred thoughts in my mind. I’ve shot someone. And not just anyone. He used to be my best mate for god’s sake. The guilt is crushing, as I struggle to breath. I can’t believe I actually did it. I might have put a lot of thought and planning into tonight but nothing can prepare you for the consequences. Nothing, and yet I regret everything.

“Tom...” My voice slurs as I try to apologise Why am I struggling to talk? Why is he moving? No. He needs to keep still, save energy.

“No Max, be quite, keep still.” He stares down at me, eyes full of concern, as he begins taking of his jacket and placing it over me.

And that’s when my state of shock lifts enough for me to see the truth. And that’s when the pain kicks in.

It... Hit... Me. In the struggle I managed to I shoot myself.

I don’t know which hurts worse the guilt I just felt or the hole in my chest.

I gasp, trying to put air back into my rapidly emptying lungs. The pain it causes is so intense that I involuntarily close my eyes as I lie on the pavement trying to remember how to breathe.

Definitely the hole in the chest.

Taking short and shallow breaths I manage to open my eyes again, Tom is leaning over me and I see him reaching down to apply pressure to my wound. My eyes widen in panic I’m not sure I can survive the pain if he does so; but the sound that comes out of my mouth is nothing more than a mumble. As his hand connects with my chest the pain intensifies again to more than before. Sucking in another large shaky breath I feel my eyes flutter closed once more.

Tom’s POV

How has it come to this? Is my first thought as I put the phone down on the emergency operator.  What started out just as inappropriate feelings for my best friends girls has lead to this. One of us lying on the cold hard pavement, with a bullet in his chest.

Watching the colour leaving his cheeks I’m reminded of when it was Anne lying deadly still. The sound as she struggled to breath matches the sound that Max is making now. The way he’s lying too still to be sleeping mirrors the way she led just after she collapsed. I was so unsure about her life then, but I didn’t have the horror of having to watch her skin getting stained deep red as her blood poured out of her body. Nor did I have to feel the ripped skin and muscle beneath my fingers as I tried and failed to hold her together. But at the same time I can’t bring myself to be as worried as I was for her. It wasn’t me who got the gun, after all karma always comes back around.  But even as I’m thinking it I know that’s the guilt talking. I’m worried as hell. We might not have been close recently but we were for years. I can’t lose him either. Not now. Not like this. Not when it could have been so easily prevented.

If I’d never kissed his girl and broken his heart he wouldn’t be lying here now.

I’m not stupid. I know this is my fault.

Everyone managed to forgive me before, but how can they now? Will Anne even be able to? She still has feelings for him after all, they might not be the same as the ones she has for me but they’re there never the less.

And then it hits me.

Will she be able to forgive herself? The guilt she piled on herself when Max first found out about us was immense. How’s she going to cope with this? An ironic laugh escapes my lips just as I hear the ambulance sirens coming towards us. This really wasn’t how I planned my stag do. Not that it really matters now I guess, there’s no way the wedding can continue now.