The Enemy
It was an early spring morning as I stood before the closet. I peered into the gloomy and dark rectangular space in front of me and barked "I am Sir Mcscruffles the Third, Son of Knight Mscruffles the Second, and I command you to come out of your cowardly hiding place, and face me in the field of battle like a real canine!" I waited for a few minutes to see if the vacuum would respond; to my dismay the machine didn't. "Tough negotiator eh? Well I'll just have to outsmart this tricky little bugger" I mutter as I walk back to my close friend and royal companion, Queen Yarnball, Queen of all cats on earth and in the intergalactic galaxy all across space. She looks at me, rolls her eyes, and with amusement whispers, "Your father was a knight? I Thought he was the random stray from down the street." I shake my head and growl, "No he wasn't a knight but he did hold the very prestigious honor of being guard dog of the Waste Facility on the block." She laughs at my response then turns around and walks away shaking her head muttering, "Stupid canine doesn't even know what the word Waste means"
I look down pathetically wondering what the word "waste" actually means. I come to the conclusion that it has to deal with something along the lines of "doing with paste" since those two words rhyme, and everyone knows that every word that rhymes must have the same meaning to each other. I nod my head at my triumph and do a recon mission of the area to see what I could find out about the gruesome monster and my most feared enemy....drum roll please....holding your breath in anticipation yet? Good. I shall do my battle with the fearsome Vacuum. I mean, if you didnt catch the fact that I already said it, then there you go. Anyways back to the recon mission.
I walk down the hallway to a darkly lit room and pear in fearful to what could be in there. I see a human pushing a stick with scary black spikes on the end of it. With a yowl, I leap backwards and sprint back to Queen Yarnball screaming, "QUEEN WE HAVE A SITUATION." She looks at me lazily with eyes narrowed and with venom in her voice meows, "What my little infidel canine? Forgot you had no balls? Oh wait you never had those to begin with." Impatiently I bop her on the nose with my paw and take advantage of the brief silence to tell her my magnificent report, "THERE IS A BIG BLACK SPIKY THING ON A STICK BEING BRUSHED ON THE GROUND BY THE HUMAN!!!" I yowl. The Queen looks down and hisses "No, this can not be. I must see the spikey stick for myself to confirm this sighting."
I take her back to the place where i saw the spike stick but stop short when we both see it approaching us. "Ok ding dong, I thought it wasn't alive!" she replies, "Seems as though the idiot might be intelligent after all!" I glare at her and whisper "Dont you dare move." she laughs in my face, meows with contempt, swishes her tail back, and forth narrowing her eyes in challenge. I grumble and growl "You dumb piece of fur. Your just like a child when it doesnt get its way, throwing a fit like a little baby who doesnt get his afternoon nap or bottle"
Because we are arguing we dont notice the black spikey sticky stick sneak up on us, it brush the Queen's feet from underneath her. With my vision blurred and blood boiling, I bravely rush at the stickey stick black tree thing. With disregard for my safety, I leap at it and try to bite it in half. I feel my teeth almost shatter as I am met with metal. I drop to the floor only to see my human laugh hysterically in my face. I smile weakly and try to get up , but in the corner of my eye I see a shiny ball of gold fur brush past me and leap at the broom with blood curling yowl, "NO ONE HURTS MY PUPPY BESIDES ME YOU SORRY PIECE OF-" I stop listening because of the words and noise from the destruction.
I slip in and out of consciousness, and at one point I feel myself being dragged by a pair of teeth. When I come to its night. I look around and am confused because I dont recognize the place. "Ok ya four legged sack of fur you can stop acting all dramatic now. You're in the living room. while you were out I checked out the surrounding place and have come to the conclusion that the vacuum has a long black string thing that gives it power. Now if we can disable that, I do believe we will be able to not only kill it but also give me a nice new string to play with. Sounds good, right?" I nod in agreement and slowly get up and stretch out my stif limbs.
"How long was I out?" I ask. Queen looks at me and meows, "Eh I don't know nor do I care." deflated at the answer, I slowly walk with Yarnball. We make our way to the that big rectangular room with the vacuum. The Queen turns to me smiling mischievously, "You ready?" I wink back at her and whisper, "Yes." She shudders at my wink and spits out, "Dont you dare wink at me you walking meat-sack! Anyways, back at the task at hand. Are you ready Sir Mcscruffles, destroyer of food bowls and master stealer and eater of Thanksgiving turkey, are you ready?" I almost don't respond as I daydream about turkey but come back to reality when I notice her raising one claw at me.
"Yes, Yes I am Queen Yarnball, creator of all yarn cats and master mind of all things feline, I am and forever shall be ready!" We both nod at each other. I whisper, "See you on the flip side." I rush down the hallway to face my mighty enemy. When I'm close enough, I leap at it giving my war cry which for some weird reason was, "CRAN BERRY SAUSE!" As I'm soaring through the air to the vacuum cleaner, I realize that not only will my face be smashed on impact with this monstrous thing but that it also had a big creepy black smiling face looking at me! I swear everything slows down and the vacuum says, "Boom now I have ya. Wanna play a game?"
I shake my head in wonderment and yelp in pain as my snout slams into the hard plastic over coating of its shell. I fall to the ground knowing all is lost. I think back on the past few minutes of my life and come to the conclusion that the reason I lost is because I used cranberry sauce as my battle cry. I now fully understand why people dont like cranberry sauce.
I close my eyes one final time as I see a shadow approaching. I suck in my breath hoping that if it doesn't see me moving that it will think that I'm not even there. "Hey suciadal freak stop trying to kill yourself. Its me. Ya know? Queen Yarnball and before you ask. Yes we won." I bark in happiness and howl to the moon. "So you have your new string?" she chuckles and nods in agreement, "Yes, I do,now lets go get some sleep before the human wakes up and blames us for this."
