Please Don't...

I watched him from afar, which has always seemed to be my place.

Unrequited love – he’s never known my feelings for him but I know he would never be able to return my growing feelings, not while I was…like this.

Not while that pretty little figure was close to his side, with her long flowing hair, and curvy, feminine body.

I could never compete…

I hated her.

I hated how she was so pretty.

I hated how she was so caring and kind.

I hated how she was by his side.

But what I hated most – was the fact that I’ve never hated her.

I envied her.

He was my first friend, my first best-friend, and my first love. He was part of most of my life and now seeing him starting a new life with his first love made me feel so heartbroken.

‘We’re getting married’ they said in unison, actually, it was more a question, as if they needed my permission to get married.

But my jealousy took over, and I stormed out of the apartment, stopping just outside the entrance door, holding back the tears that were trying to force their way out, and clenching my fists which were ready to tear into the closest wall.

I crawled back into the apartment and idiotically acted as if I hadn’t just created a scene, only to be greeted by the happy couple cuddling on the couch, gazing at the ring that shone on her small hand, my little performance forgotten by them within seconds.

Awkwardly, I returned to my room, staring back at the happy couple, feeling the jealousy burn through my skin once more.

Please don’t… Please don’t leave me…

That dreaded day came.

The day I would have to finally give up on you.

She walked down the stairs, searching for me it would seem.

She approached me, a large smile playing on her lips.

‘Do I look okay?’ She whispered as she twirled in complete elegance.

‘You look great’ I replied with a thumbs up and a reassuring smile. She smiled even larger and pranced off.

I sat at the very back of the setting, watching the two of you reveal your vows to each other, placing your wedding rings on each other’s fingers and… your first kiss, as a married couple.

But I couldn’t watch that last part, and looked away as soon as the both of your heads began to lean in.

Your eyes fell on me and I had to look away, walk away and turn my back on you.

I travelled to a balcony, where the sun shone down on me and where the breeze slightly swayed my tired body. I was hiding really, from the two of you.

But you found me.

You stood by my side, saying nothing and staring off into the distance, as was I.

There was a smile plastered on your face, it almost made me want to smile, knowing you were happy but it just reminded me of losing you.

‘Come with me’ you whispered after a while, reaching out for my arm ‘I want you to be in one of my wedding pictures.’

‘What? No’ I said with a chuckle, brushing your hand off my wrist.

‘Oh just come’ you replied, reclaiming my wrist and pulling me with you.

You let go of my wrist as soon as she came into your sights and rushed to her, taking a spot next to her as she groomed you to perfection.

I took the empty spot that was left on her other side and stared away from the loving glances you two gave each other.

She grabbed both our arms and interlocked them with her own and stared over to the camera, leaning her head closer to you while you did the same to her.

Three smiles were captured but only two of them were genuine.

And now I was in my car driving further away from you, and her.

But I couldn’t escape you; your sweet scent still lingered throughout my car, so it was like you were still there when you were already miles ahead of me.

By now the tears were uncontrollable, and it got to the point where I just had to stop the car. I screamed in anger and hit the steering wheel to help let out my frustrated emotions.

Come Back to Me…

I grabbed the picture from my jackets pocket and stared at it, caressing your face.

Then I ripped it in half, replacing her figure with yours, making it so that you were next to me.

But no, I can’t have you. I can never have you.

Not just because you’re now a married man,

Not just because I’m too afraid to tell you my feelings.

But because I too… am a man.