Speak

Chapter 1

  "Words, like silent raindrops fell, and echoed in the wells of silence." ~ Paul Simon  

"Hurry up, Lizzy! We need to get on the road," my brother, Greg, hollers at me as I stare at the disgusting person looking back at me through the mirror. I used to like the way I looked; I used to be pretty with perfectly flawless skin that I kept tanned to contrast with my light brown hair and grey eyes. Now? My face has not changed much, but the rest of me looks like something Frankenstein himself created. I look down and grab a thick black strapped bracelet set to cover the product of my frustrations. I am pretty good at covering it all up, the scars, the cutting marks, my figure itself... I can usually blend in with long sleeve shirts and blue jeans, but I still know. I know what happened, and Greg knows how I cope.

"Lizzy, I want to beat traffic, and we need to check into your dorm by noon. Let's go!" Greg calls entering my room.

"That much in a hurry to get rid of me?" I sign to Greg as I roll my eyes. Greg crosses his arms in disagreement and sighs.

"You know that's not true," Greg replies, but I know better. I quickly grab my phone off my desk and follow Greg out the door.

Greg was so much happier before he was forced to take me in two and a half years ago. Only eight years older than me, the aging of his face shows the stress I have put him through. Only twenty-six, Greg easily looks like he's in his thirties or early forties. I guess that's what happens when you have to take care of your crazy kid sister with all of her issues.

I settle into the passenger seat of Greg's squad car and pop in a pair of earbuds. Yup. My brother is a cop. He went to school and got his degree in criminal justice, moved back to Cedar Grove, and joined the Cedar Grove Police Department.

I can see Greg roll his eyes at me as he backs down his driveway. I try to avoid all conversations and putting earbuds in usually means I don't want to discuss anything. He turns the radio up as I engulf myself in my Pandora station and start reading a story on my phone. I don't mean to be anti-social, but when people just want to talk about the same things over and over... you start to resent all conversation in general.

That's why I need to get out of Cedar Grove. Everyone pities me here, everyone wants to talk about what happened that night, and everyone wants to try to fix me. Except I hate being pitied, I don't want to talk about what happened, and I am tired of people treating me like I'm something that can be fixed. Greg had taken me to a dozen doctors over the past two years, and they all try to get into my head. They all seem to think that I can be fixed, but I'm fine... I just don't speak anymore.

"Are you sure you are ready for this?" I can faintly hear Greg ask over my music. I deliberately roll my eyes so that he notices, and keep scrolling through my story.

"You know, you can text me anytime," Greg continues ignoring the fact that I just want to be left alone.

"I know," I quickly sign as I try to continue my story.

"And, I'm only an hour away," Greg adds. I swear, it isn't far enough.

"I know," I reply once again... starting to get frustrated.

"I'm fine, Gumby," I add, trying to add an emphasis on "fine." I don't usually call Greg "Gumby" to his face, only when he annoys me, which is right now. I gave him the nickname years ago, when times were better, and he hates it. Greg inhales deeply. He thinks there is something wrong... and there is... he won't leave me alone.

He never leaves me alone. He's always asking me if I'm okay? Did I take my medicine? I need to get out of my comfort zone. It wasn't my fault.

Yes, I am nervous as hell going to college because there are a lot of people there, but at least I'll be far away from Greg's constant barrage of questions and apologies. I swear he's going to be the one having trouble sleeping tonight. He hasn't even dropped me off, and he misses me already.