The eyes are the windows into the soul, you can tell age by eyes. And a child's eyes are full of Innocence. It takes up a child's mind. It's why all children are naive to the horrors of this world. But have you ever wondered what happens when someone knocks down the walls protecting their innocence?
I do.. and it's not pretty.
I was a child when it happened, I was joyous, loving, and caring. My blue eyes saw the world in color, I saw the world as a peaceful place. But that all changed on that fateful day. I walked in on my parents arguing. My dad was angry cause my mom was dying, and he didn't know what to do. I was told everything would be ok.
But it never was, the arguments continued and I layed in bed on those nights crying as I heard my dad screaming and crying that he couldn't lose my mom, that I couldn't lose my mom. My innocence was shattering, and I was starting to see the world as a bad place.
In the years leading up to her death, my eyes started changing to black. Now this wasn't uncommon. Most people have this syndrome. But a doctor told my dad that my eyes should still be crystal blue till my first heart break. Well this was it. I was turning emotionless at the same time.
And both my parents saw it. I was resentful, hate filled. My life was destroyed. My mom was going to leave me and my dad and I couldn't do anything but watch. My heart became cold. I still loved my parents but, I knew I wouldn't always have them now.
My innocence was gone.
By the age of 10, my eyes where completely black, my mom was gone. People even said I looked blank, like I was disabled of showing emotions. The sweet, loving little girl I was, no longer existed.
I was heartless and cold.
My dad saw, he tried his best. But it was never enough.
You see, as I grew up I started to go blind. Blind of the world in color, I could still see. But everything was black and white. The bad people where colored black because of sin, and babies where solid white, and as I watched kids who where grey in color would soon become black once they got older. Sin was all around.
Of course there where the few people who remained a light grey all their lives. And I was lucky to meet a couple.
Growing up got tougher as I fell into a hole. Sin was calling to me.
So I listened, I was turning black, quicker then anything I had seen. I killed innocent animals, attempted to kill babies. And I even stole stuff.
But one day it all changed. I was face to face to the doctor who wouldn't help my mom, and as he begged for his life, as I held a gun, I saw no mercy. But once his warm blood splattered the walls. I realized it was never his fault. He had tried.
Both my parents where gone. I was monster. My mother and father had created a monster, and I knew they where ashamed.
I feel to my knees, crying my eyes out. And begging for them to come back, that I was sorry, I was hurt, lost and didn't know what to do. I was a rabid animal.
And as I pointed the gun to my head, I smiled, as tears ran down my face, to mix with the bloodied concrete. I saw both my parents, and for the last few second of my life I saw the world in color once again. It took eight years to see the world in color once again. I pulled the trigger still smiling and the last two words on my mouth was "I'm sorry".
I am telling you all my story, to help you. Keep your kids innocent for as long as you can. Help them grow. Be there for them.
Cause you don't know when it's going to be their last day, or even your last.
And remember, listen to the voice inside your head that tells to smile, just a little brighter, and love just a little more. Because that voice... Is your innocence, and people can see it in your eyes.
