ignorance & bliss

( wednesday )

    ( wednesday )

      letters. that's all it was. tons, and thousands of letters. addressed to anya, or from her.

     ian just looks at felix. he knows it is too late to close the box and pretend they'd never seen what was inside. felix does nothing, just sits  there, staring into the box, like the box is the answer to everything. like it's a miracle.

     ian thought he was going to leave, blow of some steam, distract himself. instead he shoves ian out of the way, tipping the box over, and letting the letters fall into his lap. he starts ripping them open, pulling whatever is inside out frantically. he doesn't stop to read anything, just keeps ripping and tearing. tearing and ripping. after three more letters, ian stops him, pushing the letters out of the way, out of felix's grasp.

     "stop. i know it's hard. i know you're mad. i know you miss her, but you have to make yourself let go of her, just a little bit each time something like this happens. when you hear her name, don't scramble to ask who said it. when you see her in a picture, don't go ripping it out of the frame. let go." ian pleads. wishing this girl had never came into his life. he just became his friend, his only friend, but no one deserves this much pain.

       then, on that thought, he pulls back. he does this. he goes after people who he thinks has taken his sister. they were innocent. they had families. he killed a father. a brother. a grandfather.

       "ian? ian, what's up?" felix shakes him, pulling him back to reality.

      his face turns red, he starts coughing wildly. he can't breathe all of a sudden, it's too much. the room is suffocating him, everything is too close, too important. felix is worried, calling his name.

      that's when cole walks in. he sees the letters first, scattered all around felix's bedroom floor. then he sees ian, and felix. ian is clutching at his head as all the memories play through his mind like a slideshow. him killing that guy in an alley, following another home just hours later. he's willing for the memories to go away. he never thought about what he was doing. he never realized how against it he actually was. the only thing on his mind was his sister.

      he hears cole, and felix talking, he knows he's standing up minutes later, but it doesn't feel like him. it seems like a movie, a dream. he's just watching in a stunned horror.

     

      "i don't know what happened. one minute he's telling me to let go of anya, the next he's gasping for air on my bedroom floor," felix says, shaking his head. he looks over at ian in the hospital bed. hoping that he won't be mad that they took him here, hoping they won't find out how many people he's killed either.

      "so, it was letters? in the box?" cole questions, leaning against the wall.

      "anya's letters.." felix trails off.

      "i went to see my brother today," cole gives him a fake smile.

      felix is cautious. he'd never liked him, and cole's brother didn't like him either.

       "how'd that go?" he asks eventually.

       "he's getting engaged actually," cole lets out a laugh, dripping with bitterness.

       "to that who-,"

       "what..?" that's ian. he's sitting up, looking around the room until he sees his two friends.

       "you kind of stopped breathing.." cole trails off in explanation.

       everything comes back to him, but softer now. everything seemed so amplified in that small bedroom.

       "help me." he says desperately.

       "yeah, sure, of course, man," felix says, thinking he means something simple.

       "what is it?" cole asks.

       "i need to find out who took my sister,"