Someone sit with me and Cry , listen and comprehend all the darkness and fear I hide , hidden deep inside ....
~ Nicki SweetHeart
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My Name is Nicole .....
I am from Cartagena, Colombia.
I lived a happy life ,
My mother and father were happily married . I remember my mother always gardening , and me being out their picking the flowers . She wouldn't want me to sometimes but , I wouldn't listen . I missed how we would have art time . We would use everything clay , paint , even sketch . I use to watch my dad and mom , and the way they loved each other . My dad would come home from work and kiss my mother holding her waist . Even though they had been together , he still managed to make her blush , and do things to make her smile . You could always see their love . But that all came to and end one day . I woke up and my mom wasn't their , I didn't smell breakfast cooking , and their wasn't music playing on the radio . I was nine . My dad took it badly , to say the least . I never really heard , " daddy's little girl " anymore .... After a year the police told him to give up . He completely lost it and started drinking . He lost his job and moved us to America . He was never the same . He would always get drunk , and after a while got abusive . I went from once or twice a week , to everyday .
~7 years later ~
" Bitch get your Fat ass down here !" The sick bastard I call a dad yelled from downstairs ...
I stopped Reading " The NoteBook "... Yes I am a hopeless romantic . I glided down stairs swiftly . Not to quickly wouldn't want my fat ass to fall . As I walk towards the living room the , the strong aroma of alcohol hits me . Of course the son of a bitch is drunk again . Why me ?! What's he gonna do tonight ? Hit me ? Throw his food at me again , for not cooking it right ? Keep calling me a slut ?
As my mind was wondering to the worse , I didn't even realize the monster had stubbled over to me ...
" L-Look here N-Nicole " He stuttered with his nasty breath on my face . Him being far too close for my liking .
" My friend is gonna get me this real good job , but he wants to fuck ju " His accent heavy , his voice slurred , his balance was off , I can't fucking believe this . Fear and Anger . The first things that strike me . I was scared , of thinking of having some old ass creep taking my innocence , and touching me . I was pist my dad was doing this . I couldn't react . It was like my body was paralyzed .
My eyes just widened and just stood there in shock . My own father Is practically selling me ! My body started to tremble and I was terrified .
" Papa please no " I managed to choke out
" shut up you whore !" She spat , snaking me to the floor as if I were a rag doll . As tears rolled down my face , and I felt the now familiar sting on my face , I'm positive it'll leave mark . Inside , like ice was gradually engulfing my Heart . I felt any since of hope , and security leave me .
" Now get your hideous ass ready " He spoke coldly , and went back to the fridge to get another beer .
I got up slowly with shaky limbs . I walked to my room and showered Crying . I miss my mom so much . She went missing when I was 9 . When we lived in Colombia with mi familia , my nana use to say I looked just like her .
I don't think so , my mom had a nice petite figure . I'm a fat ass . Anyways , I washed my thick curly hair , it was a darker brown . I washed my body and then slowly got out the shower . I looked at my reflection in the mirror , as my hazel eyes stare back at me all I could feel , was a since of being broken , like with an engine with a broken carburetor.
I dropped my towel & felt disgust . My fat lumpy ass body . My breast were a double D's , my arms were big & jiggled , my stomach didn't sag , but still was out there I look like I'm pregnant , my thighs are humongous for heavens sake , and my ass is just plain embarrassing , I can barley fit that thing in most pairs of jeans , and I'm always wearing long ass tops to hide it . Call me crazy but having a large ass like mines is a curse .
I didn't want to look at my 170 pounds of waste anymore . I just quickly brushed my teeth dried off & stepped into my room , pulling my hair in a bun . I put on deodorant , rubbed lotion on my body , And sprayed some sweet pea perfume.
I felt lost for a couple seconds , then I came back to the realization of what's happening ...
My hands started to tremble as , went to my underwear drawer , and but on some boy shorts , also a bra . I can't cry not now , there no point . With trembling hands I put on a black T-Shirt , and some jeans . I let my hair down , it was dripping , but I still did my best with towel drying .
I was trying to make myself look presentable when my dad barged in my room .
He once me over and sucked his teeth . " Good enough , vamos " he spoke quickly .
I jumped up & followed him downstairs . I walked down the steps following my father . I have never felt more fear , as if I were walking to my death .
We finally got down the steps and there stood , a tall man , he had to be in his early 30's , he was white , and if he was a fucking jackass about to rape me , he could be attractive .
He eyed me up and down licking his lips with hunger & lutst in his eye , like im a 5 star meal . I felt so fucking disgusted and violated already.
" Do everything he wants or I'll kill you " My dad whispered in my ear ......
How in the hell did I come from such a Pathetic , Sick , Cruel , Disgusting Monster like him ?
••••••••••
That Night , I lost the most precious thing to me , in the worst way .... There was no Mercy , I am a victim of rape .
