I remember when I was twelve years old that I wanted to have twin babies. It’s either twin girls or vice-versa or one girl and a boy. Two kids were enough for me. If it’s a boy, then I bet he’s handsome like his daddy, and if a girl, I am certainly sure, she’s pretty.
I will buy both of them things I didn’t get when I was young, their most requested toys…I will love them just like what Momsy and Popsy feels for me. They always love me, care for me, guide me and they’re never get tired for me because for them, I’m always be they’re first baby.
I remember too, the way my Mom tell me how I cry in the middle of the night, how I laugh when I’m playing, the way I kiss them on their cheeks and it’s like a thousand promises. Then my little sister came to the picture, I see the way they care for her, I also did the way Momsy wrapped her arms around that little body of hers and I thought, I am lucky to have them.
The moment I opened my eyes, it was a blurry vision. All I can see is white and a fluorescent light, it’s moving like I’m passing them. Then I turn to my right, I saw what I was dreaming of, my mother, she’s holding my hand tightly and beside her is my father who looks worried, wait, did I do something wrong again?
I roamed my eyes again until I reach the left side, would you look at that? My little sister was no little anymore; she’s pretty and got my father’s nose and why is she crying? Next to her was a guy, which I thought he would learn to love me back, but heck no, he don’t and he can’t. My feelings popped like a bubble in the thin air and never be found again.
Below me is my closest girlfriend and beside her – Fabian?! My brows creased when they stop and starts to fade away as the door below me closed. Some people in white clothes took me here.
What is happening here? I looked above and saw a lot of lights flashing directly to me. I can’t do anything so I just closed my eyes while I felt a sting of pain in my right arm–and without my mind consent, I fall into a deep slumber.
May mga panahon talaga na sana wala ng katapusan, katulad nang kung paano ko siya minahal, kung paano ko siya pinaglaban – but it didn’t get me anywhere. All I felt was hurt, nothing but hurt.
At yung mga panahon na sana di na lang nasimulan, how to loved like a warrior and regretted it by the end of the day.
I looked around, where’s Milly? Ah, I just gave her a TRO at isang demanda. I shrugged and sat on the sofa, I want to watch something – anything just to distract my mind from what had happened.
I stopped viewing channels once Disney Channel for Babies was fixed. Baby…
Narinig kong bumukas ang pinto at napatayo naman agad ako, sino naman ang pupunta dito? Naglakad siya papunta sakin and stared at me, he looks tired. Tired of what?
“Paw,” he said as if he’s pleading.
I took the brown envelope from the top of the CD Cabinet and held it out to him.
“Sorry, I made this far.” I sincerely said and I am really sorry for everything I had done.
He torn the envelope into pieces and hugs me. And as for me, I flinched again and I pushed him away from me. I never want a guy touches me again, they’ve hurt me a lot and I will die if I let them again.
“Paw, I love you…”
Go on, you can look into my eyes all day and pretend all you want but I know, your love is just a lie. This was all a lie. A bad lie.
“Please Dawn, pirmahan mo na lang.” I softly said.
He grabbed my arm and I was caught-off guard when I saw a tear streaming down to his cheeks. “Sorry, sorry…for everything, sorry kung ngayon ko lang – mahal kita, Paw. Mahal na mahal. Sorry..sorry.”
I hastily removed his hands from me and my brows are crumpled as I stepped back.
“Nakakadiri ka.” I said directly. Bullshts, just yesterday I saw them fcking each other then now, this?! He loves me? Wow, great change of heart! You know what I learned from him? It’s the true definition of love, that love is just an empty reaction in this black hole called life.
Pain crossed his eyes sabay iling. “You can say anything to me, I don’t care. But don’t expect me to sign that fckin’ papers.” He laid his eyes on me and his mad again. “Anak ko rin yang dinadala mo.” Dinala ko.
Right, wala pang nakakaalam. Wala pang nakakaalam na na-rape ako after nung kasal namin. Wala pang nakakaalam na si Zelo yun. Marami kang hindi alam Usares. Pero hindi pa ako handang sabihin lahat.
“We never had sex.” I hissed because God knows how much I disgusted by that idea. “Walang baby.”
“Hindi mo na ba ako mahal Paw? We can work this out. We can be a family.” Nababaliw na ‘to? Hindi ba obvious na wala ngbaby? Masakit pero kinaya ko. Ang mawalan ng anak. Kahit sabihin na nating ayoko sa ama niya, pero anak ko pa rin siya.
I laughed. Oo, walang nakakatawa pero nakakatuwa lang na siya na ang nagsasabi niyan ngayon. I gave him two chances, baka nga higit pa sa dalawa pero anong ginawa niya? Porket wala nang Milly-ng nagpapainit sa kanya, sakin na siya kakapit? Tigang na tigang agad? Gahd.
“Ipapadala ko mamaya yung mga bagong papeles and I’m warning you Usares, paghindi mo pa pinirmahan yun, idedemanda na talaga kita.” I grabbed my bag and started to walk. Yes, may laban ako sa annulment baka nakakalimutan niyang Ex-marital Sex ang pinaggagawa nila ni Milly last few months.
Hindi na ako nakatira sa apartment niya, hindi rin sa bahay namin. I am actually living alone ngayon dahil yun ang gusto ko. My parents’ support me for that, six months na dapat yung baby. It’s been two months nung nadischarge ako. Annulled na sila Don at Milly at dinemanda nila Momsy si Milly.
Nakarating ako ng condo ko ng around 6PM. Medyo may kaliitan din dahil ako lang mag-isa and Jecca sometimes drop by to see if I’m doing well.
Naka-maternity leave ako kaya medyo boring. Pinadala ko yung mga bagong papeles kay Dawn after kong magbihis via Attorney. 8PM na nang gabi ng may kumatok sa pinto. Buti na lang nakaPJ’s na ako.
I was shocked first when I saw him standing outside the door. Bakit siya nandito? Paano niya nalamang nandito ako?
“Can I come in?” he asked gently.
I nodded in response at dun ko lang napansin na may dala siyang groceries.
“Bakit ka nandito?”I know, medyo rude tanong ko.
He smiled genuinely. “I brought you some foods, alam kong bored ka ngayon and…” he trailed-off. “Sorry dahil hindi ako nagpaalam na pupunta ako dito. I just missed you that’s all.”
Kailan ba ulit yung huli naming pagkikita? Ah right, two months ago nung nasa hospital ako, base sa mga kwento ni Jecca, siya daw ang nagbabantay sakin gabi-gabi. Yung tipong tulog ako para di ko daw siya makita. Bakit ba siya ganyan?
Konti nalang iiyak na naman ako. “Bakit ba ang bait-bait mo sakin?” I sobbed. Sinaktan na kita’t lahat-lahat pero bakit ginaganito mo pa rin ako Fabian? Bakit nandyan ka pa rin?
“Because you’re my girl.” He smiled.
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Hiyaaaaa! Konting push na lang :D
Lovelots!~
-knowme
