His own way of coping

5) Working through the list

Despite having rehearsals and meetings for BGT, Ant was able to work down his list bit by bit. He had arranged for his sisters to come down over the weekend and he had gone to his spa day with Lisa and he had ridden that rollercoaster with Declan and although he had thrown up afterwards, it had been ace.

What was left was meeting up with his mum and having that good roast dinner of hers with her. And of course his trip with Declan. But it was all arranged, as soon as BGT would be over, he would spend the weekend after that at his mum's and after that he would go with Dec to Scotland, playing golf for three days.

His check-ups went astonishingly well - well, as well as they can be when you are suffering a deadly disease - and although he was feeling that he was getting worse with every passing day, he trusted Dr. Mahoney and they adjusted his medication quite well so that he was able to get on with his everyday life. Ant was astonished how much these little pills could ease his pain and he was thankful for them because he could do all these things he still wanted to do. Of course, everything he did was a bit tougher for him by now but he managed, and that was all that mattered.

This afternoon, he had an appointment at the funeral parlour and he was quite nervous about that. He took Lisa along and in the end it was all fine and they discussed all important things. The lady was very nice and took in all the suggestions Ant made and she said she would take a look into all the options and contact them again and Ant was happy about that. He had planned quite a party for his funeral, he didn't want people to be sad and of course he knew they would be sad, but he also wanted them to have a good time and just remember all the fun they had had together.

As for his own coping, he had really gone to see that counsellor his doctor had suggested to him and to his surprise, it had really helped him. Just speaking to another person than Lisa about his feelings did him good and he had the feeling that the lady had really understood him and that helped him a lot in his way of coping. Just having the assurance from another person - even a professional one in that case - that it was fine that he chose himself how to cope with that, that there wasn't a right or wrong in this, made him feel better and at piece with himself.

So he felt better about everything afterwards and he was in quite a happy mood when he thought about what was still to come. But at the same time he knew that there was a great chance that he could just drop dead to the ground the closer he got to those two months the doctor had given him.

But he pulled through, he just had to. He pulled through the live shows and the final and there he was now, sitting in the kitchen of his mother and eating his favourite dish.

"It's ace, mum!" he exclaimed, mouth full with food and shoving another spoon into it.

"Where are your manners, eh?" his mother laughed and smiled at her oldest.

Ant only laughed along and enjoyed spending time with his mother. "I was thinking about visiting dad this evening, alright with you?"

"Of course, love" Christine smiled.

"How about we spend the day together tomorrow?" he asked and smiled at his mother. "Just you and me."

"Are you alright, Anthony?" his mum asked concerned. "First, you want to see your dad and second, you want to spend the day with your boring mother." She laughed a bit at that.

"Of course I am" Ant lied. "I just want to spend a bit more time with you. All that stress lately, you know? I just want to relax a bit with my family."

"Okay" Ant's mother smiled warmly at her son. "Nothing wrong with that" she chuckled and kissed his cheek.

Ant went to see his dad after secretly taking his medication. He was up to quite a ridiculous amount of pills every day now, but he didn't care as long as they helped him. He had a lovely evening with his father and they always had gotten along but they weren't that close in general. This time however, Ant made sure to enjoy every moment with him and when they said their goodbyes, he hugged him tightly.