Not Okay (The Fault in Our Stars FanFic)

And there I was, just staring at the paper, the last words of Gus. The fact that he's not here with me right now, struck me deeply. He's not here, anymore. I repeated to myself. But couldn't believe it still. Something made me believe he's there, waiting for me find him, before it's too late. But I just had to admit it, the fact he's gone.

Okay? Okay. Okay? Really? "Okay"? That doesn't show "Always" in any way. But for him, it somehow did.

"'Okay," he said. "I gotta go to sleep. It's almost one."
"Okay," I said.
"Okay," he said.
I giggled and said, "Okay". And then the line was quiet but not dead. I almost felt like he was there in my room with me, but in a way it was better, like i was in my room and he was not in his, but instead we were together in some invisible snd tenuous third space that could only be visited on the phone.
"Okay," he said after forever. "Maybe okay will be our always."
"Okay," I said.
It was Augustus who finally hung up.

I giggled, and softly said "Okay'. I liked that invisible third space, that could be only visited through the phone. It felt warm.

Then again, there was once a time when he said something so long.

“I’m in love with you,” he said quietly.
“Augustus,” I said.
“I am,” he said. He was staring at me, and I could see the corners of his eyes crinkling. “I’m in love with you, and I’m not in the business of denying myself the simple pleasure of saying true things. I’m in love with you, and I know that love is just a shout into the void, and that oblivion is inevitable, and that we’re all doomed and that there will come a day when all our labor has been returned to dust, and I know the sun will swallow the only earth we’ll ever have, and I am in love with you.”

"Hazel?"

The door opened and in came Isaac with his long blonde har swept over one eye, and his glasses. My mom was holding his arm to get him in. I walked to him and held his other arm to let him sit on the bed. After doing so, my mom said "Well, I have other work to do. Have fun."

I sat beside him as soon as Mom left. I understood he could feel me.

"You okay, Hazel?" asked he.

"Yeah," I answered.

"It's just that," said Isaac. "Ever since Augustus has been gone, I've felt incomplete. He was my partner in crime, you know? We joined the Support Group together, played video games together. He was there for me when Monica left. It just doesn't right now. Nothing feels right now., without him. It's like, I have this void in me, which only he can fill. Augustus could make me feel complete."

"Why?" I pressured my hands on my legs, "Why must we go through this? What did we do to deserve this? What did we do, to go through a short period of living? There's only little time before I'll die. Beside, I'll be obliged to die, he'll be there."

"Don't say that," said Isaac, I looked at him with tears dipping on my cheek. "Who'll be there for me when you'll go away? Who will I talk to about playful stuff when you're gone? Who will I have if you're gone? Is it wrong to be a bit selfish? Just a bit?"

"Isaac -"

"No, Hazel," My sentence was cut-off by Isaac, "You can just die on me like that. Okay, I'm selfish. I agree. I'm selfish because I don't wanna let go of the one person who is still there for me. Before long, everything'll be gone anyways. Please don't be in a hurry. I would like to enjoy life as much as I can. And for that, we shall now play Call of Duty in my house. Come on Hazel!"

I was quite speechless at his try for happiness. But I agreed with him. Why should we waste our life, while we have many more days to enjoy it?

"You go on, I'll catch up with you." said I, as I wiped the tears.

I opened the door and shouted, "Mom! Could you take Isaac downstairs?"

She came immediately, placed one hand his shoulder and with other, held his arm. As she took him down, I went back to my room.

In Amsterdam, we had went to this cafe. And there was a photographer there, who had taken our photo and given it to me. I never showed it to anyone, i never saw it myself, I just thought about him. But now, I knew only he could give me strength and so I had to keep him close to me. I had taken out a Photo Frame out from my desk. It was green but filled with colourful flowers and in the bottom, was written: HAPPINESS. Each letter with a different colour. It was so colourful, just like him. His mind was colourful, and it lightened up my day.

I put the photo in there. It was us both sitting on two different chairs, lost in our talk. I wish he was still with me. That's what I wanted more that anything. But that's not possible now, is it? After all, he once told me that the world in not a wish-granting factory. My wish wouldn't come true of having you back, just like the other million people yearning for their loved ones to come back. I'm not the only one.

Okay? Not okay, Augustus. Not anymore.

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This was my version of The Fault in Our Stars Epilougue. Hope you liked it!