Remember Thy First Love

Goodbyes Are Not Always Sad

"Goodbye, Shane." he said while waving his arm at me, his smile almost touching his ears.

My father can't help being melodramatic seeing me walk myself to school. He used to walk me himself, but now that I'm already a "high-schooler", as he calls it, he no longer thought it appropriate to do so. I am already a grown-up and should know how to fend myself, he would remind me whenever I protest walking alone. I kind of don't like growing up, being an adult, and the whole package bound to it. It felt alienating.

I reached school. My school is relatively strict about the students' academic excellence, and for justification's sake, we aren't allowed to enter a romantic relationship with one another or plainly anybody. It would ruin our concentration, they say. And sometimes, I just wish I could stop puberty and save the whole effort of unlawfully restraining us teenagers from the ability to fall in love and reciprocate it. I would because I, myself, am a victim of puberty along with its superpower, and I am both loving and hating it. It is much more complicated than a high-schooler math problem.

"Good morning, Shane." I jumped up, jolted by the sudden disturbance of my train of thought.

I glared at the boy and greeted him the same way, but only with a hint of annoyance. I walked past him to my proper seat, zipped open my Jansport and produced a notebook out of it. It was my diary. I keep records of major events and noteworthy thoughts of mine on a daily basis. I begin to write. Hoy diary, he greeted me this morning. Do you think he likes me?

"What's this?" He asked, almost successfully snatching the diary from me.

"None of your business, Gen." I said and stuck out my tongue at him.

I hid the diary back to my bag. When I returned to face him, he was looking at me with arms crossed on his chest, and just by that I know he is mad. I ask why and he looks even more furious. He occupies the empty chair beside me.

"You're keeping secrets from your only friend, Shane." he said emphasizing the word only.

"The reasons why you're my only friend are because it's only been a week since the class started, and that you wouldn't let me befriend someone other than you."

"That is not true." He acted hurt. What a faker he is. A cute one, though. I laughed.

"I am not keeping secrets from you. That one is just off limits to anyone's pair of eyes other than mine. Why are you even here, class is about to begin and you're not in your proper seat?" I was trying to drag the topic from me and my diary.

"So?" he retorted.

"Oh. Medyo bad boy." I teased.

"Well enough nonsense." He sounded serious all of a sudden. "Shane I think I truly like someone." He looked intently at me it made my heart thump faster.

For a second, I allowed myself to think it's me he likes. But then, I remembered that it is Genesis Mercado I am talking to. He, who I have only known and went to high school for precisely a week but has already reported me dozens of new lady crushes everyday, none of whom lasted a whole day, and all of whom characterized by commendable beauty. There is no possibility it could be me so I immediately swatted the thought.

"Oh," I said, totally hating the way I can not conceal the disappointment in my voice.

"Yes." He replied, and I am completely hating the way he can not hide the enthusiasm in his voice.

I hate it all. I hate that it is not me. When I did not say anything, he filled the silence between us.

"She is very beautiful."

Even before I could ask who the girl is, the bell rings and he immediately stands up and gets back to his proper seat.

The class started. I listened carefully to the lessons and diligently copied all the notes, trying to divert my thoughts from Genesis. That, I did successfully since I have always been an exemplary student.

The bell rings once again. It is lunch time. Gen is already waiting for me at the door. I reached for his hand to rush faster to the canteen because if we don't hasten, we might not get the best viands available. We ran hand in hand and the feeling was indescribable. I felt like floating.

We took a table in the cafeteria and he offered to buy us our lunches which I humbly accepted. I watched him as he walked as if any minute he would be taken away from me.

"Hey, Shane." a female called up authoritatively.

I look at her and recognize her. She is Rhizah, our classmate. I greeted her politely.

"I am going to be straightforward with you Shane, whatever." She rolled her eyes at me. What a bitch, I mentally noted. "Are you girlfriends, boyfriends, whatever, with Genesis?"

I was taken aback by the sudden accusation. If I may have something in my mouth, I would have spat it out all over Rhizah's face. What a shame I didn't have any.

I wish. I am tempted to reply but I know what it entails if I did. Trouble. So, instead, I asked her where did that question come from and why would she think so, then she told me that it was pretty obvious. Pretty obvious? I felt tingles in my stomach.

"Oh, no. You got it all wrong, Rhizah. I don't like Genesis that way," Lie. "And Genesis don't feel that way about me either." Truth.

"Are you telling the truth?" She asked suspiciously.

I saw Gen walking on his way to our table. I generously took this opportunity to tease Rhizah. I will not give her the benefit of the doubt. Though, the truth is also pretty obvious. Gen and I are just friends. When Gen reached our table, he greeted Rhizah and it freaked the hell out of her that she scampered immediately away out of the vicinity. I laughed at the comical display.

"Whoever I said goodbye to after dismissal, she's the one." He said randomly.

Soon as the lunch is over and we are back in class, my mind wandered off to what Rhizah has said earlier. Pretty obvious, she said. Is it really? Do we appear like a couple? We may have. We are always together. He talks to me all the time. We hold hands. Is it enough proof?

I remembered that time the school went to a planetarium. It was a bit dark, illuminated only by the stars on the illusory space. I was admiring the whole place when he appeared by my side. Beautiful, he said. For a moment, I thought he was pertaining to the interior of the planetarium until I turned to him and caught his gaze boring into me. He smiled. That was the very moment puberty has gotten into me. I bore the superpower. I have fallen in love.

The bell hollered the dismissal of our class. I packed up and was about to go to Gen when I saw him with Rhizah. I was frozen in place. Why is he talking to her? Is she the one? The sight is very heart breaking and if not for the knowledge that it is an impossibility, I might have literally heard a cracking sound inside my chest. It is unbearably painful that it shocks me to have not already reached breakdown point.

My legs are quivering. I run past them feeling a little wobbly. I know he tried to catch my arm. I know he screamed my name many times. I didn't stop. I am afraid that if I did, I might have to endure the pain to witness a distressing confession I may see in my entirety.

I was halfway to my escape to this prison cell when I stumbled.

"Shane!"

Fighting back the tears, I turned to the person on the top floor who called my name. I turned to Genesis. Unexpected as it may seem, Genesis Mercado, standing like an Abercrombie model, waves his arm.

He said two magic words that melted my heart. I am mesmerized. All the fear and pain immediately dissolving to nothingness inside me and then I smiled like crazy.

I realize before I end this diary entry that goodbyes are not always sad. Sometimes it marks a beginning of a story, perhaps. But this may be one of the rare moments it would be taken literally. For at the very beginning of this story are two words written how Genesis magically made me 'the one'.