⚜no thoughts left unheard⚜

(prologue) unrealizing

A/N heya ! this is going to be a very short chapter- basically an intro to the challenges the main characters are facing. this isnt your normal romance- its just two people with their own issues helping the other love themselves while they love each other along the way. ive heard this quote a lot- broken people attract other broken people. i find that to be extremely true. 

before you begin reading, i would like to address something. victor is completely made up- his backstory and everything are made up. sage is not entirely made up. i have sage's mental illnesses, and im basing her perspective off of me. her backstory is entirely made up though, but some events will be true events that did take place. she is two years older than me, though ;0

thanks for reading !! 

((may be triggering if you are very sensitive to suicidal thoughts, self-harm, and physical abuse ))

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𝓈𝒶𝑔𝑒

it took twelve years to realize i wasn't normal. not because i had overly pale skin, or black glasses due to my horrible eyesight- those had nothing to do with it. i didn't consider myself normal due to the fact that to me nothing seems real. it's both physical and mental- to me, it looks like i'm watching earth through a movie screen. everything seems dull, and if im unlucky enough i can see light visually dim because nothing seems real. 

it sucks. ive had multiple panic attacks due to it, and i know that theres nothing that can fix it. except death. death seems like the best option right now.

i just want to die. im fifteen, and i just want to die. if i die, i wont have to live with the pain of nothing being real anymore. why live if it seems like you arent even living? 

i feel numb inside. utterly numb and emotionless. am i even human anymore? it doesn't feel like it. it just feels like im.... an entity. floating around uselessly. when someone gives me a compliment, it feels fake. how do i know thats what they really think about me?

when i eat, i hate myself for it. i almost made myself throw up once because i wanted to be skinny. im not. im 5'3 and one hundred forty-five pounds. even though my mom says its because i have more muscle density, i doubt it. its because i eat too much and im too fat.

i hate my life. why did i have to be born at all? id rather have stayed in the womb. 

my taste is duller than usual. i dont taste the flavors of food as vibrantly as i did before. same with smell- i dont smell things as strongly anymore. its horrible. 

i wish i could be happy.

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𝓋𝒾𝒸𝓉𝑜𝓇

every day i enter another hell. wake up. get slapped and thrown around, unable to resist. wipe off blood and cover the bruises with bandages. thankfully mom doesn't hit my face so i wouldn't have to bandage my face- that would be too obvious. after my daily dose of abuse, i walk straight to school. 

the average sarcastic insults are thrown around me. "hey, emo!!" one kid yells from the other side of the hall. i smile back in reply. "hey, korea," another kid calls me, due to my korean heritage. 

doesn't he realize that i want to be seen for more than the color of my skin, or the shape of my eyes?

i chuckle in response. "nice one," i say, fist-bumping him as i walk by. 

i finish the school day, all the while thinking of what it would feel like to be free.

to never feel pain again.

to be dead.

i go home, go to sleep, and start the cycle all over again.