This is the firsdt time I've uploaded a few of my poems on wattpad. Please leave feedback in the comments~
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My bodies cold
lips are blue
why did I do this because of you?
I feel the earth below me
like a pillow under my head
no knives, no guns, but pills instead
The bottle lays empty
cap unscrewed
what did I do? what did I do?
My spirit floats my body lays
my lover finds me
and he prays
I reach for him
I'm sucked away
like a deep crest of a wave
he pounds the ground
screaming why oh why?
I asked myself why did I?
My parents arrive, my best friend too
I thought to myself, What did I do!?
I look away the pains to deep
my life is over because of me
I look back for one last glance
they zip me up in the body bag.
I did this to ease my pain
I lost instead of gained
as I look down my family
I regret that night
my life stopped ticking
because of a fight.
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Hand shakes silently as I reach for the knob
Pull my hand back, I'm too weak to do it
Turn to walk away before I remember
I'm doing this for me, I'm doing this for you
Close my eyes and count slowly to ten
You taught me this trick to help my panic attacks
Peel my eyes open and glare at the wooden door
Too long this room has terrified me
Too long its given me nightmares
Slowly I reach for the knob again
Twist it as slowly as humanly possible and push
Now I stand in the darkened doorway
Is it just me or did it just get colder?
I reach for the light switch
As soon as I turn on the light, I close my empty eyes
Count to ten again before opening them
See my reflection in the mirror and frown
How long have I looked this sick?
Suddenly my eyes find what I came to see
My breathing quickens as I flash back to that day
When I was ten and opened the bathroom
And saw you floating there in the red water
Dressed in your pretty little white dress
Now stained red from the water
Kitchen knife covered in dark red on the counter
Snapping back to reality, I realize I'm crying
Stuck here in an empty bathroom six years later
Stuck here wondering what I did wrong
Why I made you unhappy
And what a little girl could've done to have her mom say goodbye
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Her face is puffy and red, while painful tears stream down her sad face.
She cries out loudly, hoping someone will hear her silent screams.
So many voices going through her head,
telling her how better she would feel if she were dead.
She places her shaking hands over her ears, trying not to listen.
She yells out once again for help, yet no one comes to her rescue.
She then remains sitting there on her cold bathroom floor, while the clock ticks by.
Her body begins to shake uncontrollably, unable to stop it all.
Starting to realize that no one cares, feeling so alone and helpless.
She finally comes to the decision that there is only one thing left to do.
She brings her shaking hands together, closes her eyes and prays.
She speaks to god one last time and tells him this:
"Lord, I'm so tired and the pain inside doesn't want to go away.
I can no longer shed anymore tears, for my eyes hurt me really bad.
The voices in my head don't want to go away.
My heart aches so bad that it's become too unbearable for me.
No one loves me, no one cares, no one wants me, and no one can help me now.
I tried being the good girl everyone wanted, but it wasn't good enough.
All I wanted was for someone to love me God.
Was I asking too much?
I'm so sorry God but I have to end my suffering the only way I know how.
Please forgive me God for what I'm about to do."
She opens her eyes for the last time, and quickly grabs for the razor blade.
She forces the sharp blade against her wrist.
She starts slitting her veins, deeper and deeper into her flesh.
The dark blood pours out more and more onto the floor all over.
Feeling weaker and weaker, becoming more and more unconscious by the seconds,
the blade drops from her hand onto that cold floor, her final resting place.
Her cold body now collapses to the floor and she slowly begins to feel the pain fade away along with her soul, finally falling into an endless sleep.
She lays there dead, yet free of pain.
It is now quiet, no screams, no tears, no suffering, just utter silence.
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Thanks for reading~
