Random shit with Charles

Warm

Another night spent alone, turning left to right in a chair, bottle after bottle emptied. As I stumble to get myself up from the awkward position on the chair I decided to go into, I ponder why I ever bothered to keep the shelter open this late. The only people who ever even came were friends and children running around begging to hold the puppies. (I truly can't deny them) There's a lot of things I regret at these times: the bottles, the shelter closing time, my wife leaving me, also that time I stepped on a lego brick. Especially that one.

I go out back to check on the variety of animals in the back, I'm still unsure how they all fit back here. It just kind of works. Like... Us. I walk out and lock the back door, shut off the computer and the remaining lights, the normal routine. With that routine happens the double-take as I close the door to the shelter, I stand, my head leaning on the cold door. Key in lock, but not yet turned. I stand almost as if frozen in place.

Are they... Okay? In there, all alone? It's so dark, and it's kind of damp... This is a pretty cheap place. Will I just go back in, and stay here tonight? I've done it before, a bit too often some may say. Are they afraid? Will they hate me, leaving them (almost) every night in the dark and cold? I... I can't do that. No one wants to be alone.

It's scary.

I don't want them to feel like that.

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I make my way to the comfort of home, guilt dripping from me, in the cold darkness I try to keep my thoughts in a positive place, but this is proving fairly difficult. As the cold seeps in, freezing my insides, the thoughts follow suit.

I do this, all the time.

Why? What's the point?

Okay, yeah sure, she left you. 

But like, that doesn't mean he will, y'know?

Yeah you still argue and drink like... All the time, but a lot of people do! 

I mean, it was a smart choice! That's what was best for him!

Eric deserved a good dad. A dad who didn't have to leave him.

Yeah, the feeling you get leaving those animals was the same leaving feeling as leaving him, but god-dammit they aren't your fucking son.

You're trying to replace a human being with some fluffy creatures, who probably don't give a rat's ass about you, because why should they?

You're pathetic.

But they don't seem to realize.

I'm forcibly shoved back out of my cold thoughts as I trip over a rock, crashing into the ground, I get back up as quickly as I humanely can and look left and right for any onlookers, face scarlet. I rub my face, and clean off any dirt accumulated in my idiocy.

I jog off, the sooner I have home, and have him, I'll be good.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I approach my door, the familiar sound of a sweet song being plucked away welcomes me with open arms. The second my key turns in the door lock, the music stops, I hear the rush of feet to the door as I open it, and the warm feeling of home engulfs me as he wraps his arms around me. "Can I at least close the door first, Sean?" I say, half laughing at the smaller man practically clinging to me.

"Oh? Oh yeah, okay, go on." He barely gets the words out before he squeezes me tightly, and immediately rushes over to his Ukulele, spinning around, beaming.

I close the door and stroll over, taking in the warmth and breathing out loudly before flopping down onto the couch. I see Sean still practically jumping around, but the second I drop down onto the couch, he's quick to follow and lays down next to me and we both look upwards. He's first to speak, "I've been working on some new material!"

"I heard coming in. Sounds wonderful so far. You're doing great work, lately, can't wait for you to show everyone else." I pull him in, planting a kiss on his forehead where he looks up at me, and I get that familiar smile. 

There's something about that smile, y'know. Makes you feel like nothing to could ever go wrong. Brings more comfort than a warm fire, and softest thing you've ever felt, and a good book all rolled into one. It's amazing. 

That's what I need. That smile, and I can live on forever.

Knowing he's happy, and having him with me.

I could be warm forever.