the girl i use to be

chapter 1

The girl i use to be,the girl who cared the girl who didn't the girl who she wanted to be the girl she didn't.
Tia was a normal girl at one point but not anymore why?because she got hurt by everybody at one point in time. tias 14 and she has a lot of things on her back that she shouldn't knowing people secrets sitting in the back at one point she wasn't in the back though. when tia was younger she was like every normal but she was in 5th grade and she started to change she liked ruby lushes lip stick and pink vibrant lip stick and one day she put them on her home room teacher made fun of her "when did you have time to put that on","my own daughter does not even wear makeup and she's in 6th grade"tia kept on putting it on even though she knew that she would still have a problem with it. About 6th grade is when i realized the perfect world is not the perfect world she thought it was.
She had a bestfriend well know she's not my bestfriend things changed but well get there so that best friend of mine there was this girl and she had cuts on her thigh and at first i was stupid and thought it was her shorts where to tight but i finally realized what they where and i wanted to see how it felt so 6th grade tia did it and it was like and addiction so she couldn't stop she didn't want to stop so she hid it with long sleeves and pants and she had 2 bestfriends allie who she loved with all her heart and this girl circe and one day i told allie because she was the only friend she had at the time and a month later she found out the worst thing in her life that allie started that was the worst words she could here.
I had this group of friends finally it had circe,alexis,olivia,allison,rosie and i would hang out with them and allie at times i told them one day because i trusted them and when we came back for 7th grade i found out some of them where doing it to i thought it was my fault i showed it they would have never did it if it was because of me and one day they decide they didn't want to be my friend and i felt like breaking down crawling up in a ball and dieing  and i was friends with allie when they did that and then circe came back to me and said she wanted to be friends and i said yeah and i blew allie off but i didn't realize that though when i did it and i got really depressed and anxiety and bipolar and anorexia i always told circe because i thought it would help but sometimes it didn't and she would tell me why she cut to.and on 12/9 i tried taking my life with circe because those girl in the group we got bullied and i know stuff was building up so i thought it would be best just to end it we told a girl jamie and mollie that we took 200 pills so they could give people some letting like they finally where going to get what they always wanted they told the princable and we lied we lied are asses off but i put the pill bottle in my bag and then he said the words "so you don't care if i search your locker then" we told him go ahead i could not remember the number of my locker so he was looking it up on the computer and i turned to circe and said shit its in my lockef and he was pulling up his specker to tell someone to search it then i said STOP he looked up and stopped i looked at him and breathed in and out and said the pills are in my bag and we only had some and circe goes yeah like 3 she called her dad and tell her and mr.page took me to the room behind his office i got scared that circe might die when she gets home so i opened the window and i said in a soft voice mr.page we didnt have just three and he asked how many and i said it was a lot more then just three he took me and circe and we said how many we took he called 911 fast and ambulances came and we got token of in stretchers and i stayed about 3 days in the hospital and my mom didn't come in tell she had to pick me up i didnt go to school in tell 2 weeks later i got there before circe and i didnt gef no hugs no hey no are you okay no hi circe came 3 days later she stepped into the school and it was hugs and all that what a useless child i was....the group got back together was a bad idea and then it became just me again and then it was me and circe again I'm pretty sure you got a thought of what was going to be next i did to and got scared and cutted things off i hanged out with a new group of friend witch then lead me to drinking smoking and cutting at the same time but there was a really cute boy who was in the group i told the and a person asked him out for me and i told him my flaws my beauty and everything in between i trusted him and i trusted my new group of friends and we even dyed are hair the same color like a cute couple would. I would go to his house after school with friends and i was his first kiss made me feel great and one night when i was sitting on his lap with my face buried in his neck and his buried in mine and he spoke witch broke the silence and said can you promise me not to smoke pot again i lifted my head up and he said plz i looked him in the eyes and said i promise when i made that promise i didn't think i was going to break it when they went to Chicago i broke that promise i smoked with to friends aitch would end in destruction everybody was mad witch ended things we dated for 2 months and a half we broke up 3 days before school ended