Black Note

On the very first day of my freshmen year, I already noticed him. His jet black messy hair, mahogany brown eyes, snow white skin and blue necklace. Weeks passed and I found my clique. But he didn’t. He was the only one who didn’t. He sat alone in the cafeteria during break. He goes home all by himself without bidding someone or anyone goodbye. I don’t see him with the other boys or any girl. All my classmates defined him as eerie and -yes of course- weird. All, except me. I don’t know if it was only I, who noticed it, -or maybe I was the only who was paying attention to him- he aced all our tests without bringing any book or notebook -his locker was beside mine- or review during break. He never participates in class or even pays attention to our teacher but instead, he never stops writing in his black notebook. And he also have a lot of absents. The first quarter ended, and he was the brightest among all of us.

The seat plan changed, and he was my new seatmate. We sat near the window at the back of the room –I was the one beside the wall- My classmates called it a nightmare, but me? I think of it as a challenge, as the president of the class, he was the only one whom I don’t know. I planned to talk to him the next day, but every time I try I get nervous. Until there was a test in Social Studies, it was so difficult. Even after I studied and tried to memorize every page of the book, I don’t know it! No idea, as in totally, and I wanted to perfect the test so badly that I turned to him. I nudged him, his mahogany eyes flickered towards me and I pointed my paper. He rolled his eyes and looked at the other direction. I snorted, and then he leaned away from his paper, giving me enough space to see the answer. We are the only ones who ace the test. As I arranged my books in my locker, I whispered to him “Thank you”. He looked at me, nodded and stormed away gracefully out the room. After that, I started small chats with him like asking what the assignments, quizzes for tomorrow and reminders are. The first time he spoke, I was stunned. His voice was low but definitely irresistible and then he smiled; a ravishing smile that caught me breathless, even after he stormed away gracefully –again- out of the room. After weeks, we became close. Our classmates noticed it and teased us but I also ignored them like he did. I took his cell phone number and we texted, called, and chat. We were like a couple –in the making- and it continued for years.

Until our junior year arrived, and I asked him if he can be my partner for the promenade. And he promised –yes, he promised. Not just a simple yes, but a yes, I promise. How romantic that can be? - The big day came, and finally –yes after three years- I made up my mind. I’ll tell him, a feeling I’ve hidden for years. I was so, so, so –I think there are no words to express the anxiousness I was feeling-. The week before that day, he was absent. But he can’t be absent in the prom night right, he promised hadn’t he? I waited all night, never feeling down and losing hope. Rejected every cute guy –I mean, really cute- who invited me to dance.

But..... But.....

But he never came. All night. I was very devastated. I cried, cried all night –and yes, ruined my mascara- he called the next day, apologizing. But I yelled at him, said harsh things, and yes bad words. Infinitely curses. Weeks passed and he never returns to school. Absent for weeks. And I started to feel guilty. I start to miss him too. His mahogany brown eyes, his jet black messy hair and snow white skin, and definitely –yes, absolutely- his irresistible voice –and he only talked to me, yes for years- and breathtaking smile -which I’m also sure is exclusively for my eyes only-. I texted him, no reply. I called him, no response. Opened the net, but he hadn’t opened his account for weeks. I called his house, but it just kept ringing.

The next day came, and I suddenly asked our adviser, “Mrs. Roxas, he’s absent again” I said pointing to the seat in front of me, who he occupied –I was the president of the class for the third time, so I have every right to ask that-. The teacher looked down, sat on her chair and bowed her head. She took off her eyeglasses and rubbed her eyes. The whole class became silent, and her voice, so low –almost impossible to hear in my seat- echoed in our room. “Thank you. For reminding me Summer. Her mother called and she said that he won’t be coming to school. Ever.” My forehead creased, “You mean he’s transferring to another school?” I asked, both surprised and sad by the thought. “No”, she answered. I opened my mouth to ask again, but she spoke first; “He had a sickness, I was surprised he didn’t tell you that Summer. Aren’t you his girlfriend?” she asked, still looking down. That caught me off guard. First, the girlfriend thing and most importantly, the sickness? He has a sickness? “What sickness?” I asked, almost breathless. “He... he’s gone. Forever.” Her voice broke and she wiped the tears that fell. I stood, so surprised by what she said. “What did you just say?” I ask, tears forming. Mrs. Roxas just nodded. And there, in the class, I collapsed. I broke into a cry, a scream of pain. I sprinted towards the toilet and cried. Just cried. I heard the knocks of my classmates, shouting my name, telling me to be calm, that everything will be okay.

But no. He’s not going to come back. Never. Never again will I see his jet black messy hair, mahogany brown eyes, breath-taking smile and hear his irresistible voice. Never. Never can I tell him how much I love him. Never.

After class, I went to their house. A woman, pale but still beautiful with the same mahogany brown eyes greeted me when she saw my uniform. I introduced myself, and she broke into tears. I turned away; I can’t bear to see her crying. Then in a muffled sound she spoke, “So you are Summer. His Summer. His Hope.” I fought back my tears, and remained silent. “He has been diagnosed with Leukemia, since he was seven. He has been home-schooled after that. Until he entered high school, he wanted to go to school just for a year. To experience being a normal teenager. But what he experienced was far off than he expected. He met you. After he met you, he always takes his medicine, he wanted to ...” her voice broke a lot of times, and then it faded off. She struggled for the words, but she can’t say it. So I did, I continued, “Live” He wanted to live. Because of me. Then that was it, I cried. Cried with her. And I told her everything. How much I love her son, how I was going to tell him that at the night of the prom.

Soon I left. And she gave it to me. The most valuable possession of his son. His black notebook. As soon as I got home and entered my room, I opened it. Tears. Again I cried. It was a drawing. Of Me. I was looking away talking with someone he didn’t draw. Then below it are the words, words I always longed to hear, and words I will never hear, My Summer. I read the pages, and cried even more. All of it. Yes, all of it was poems. Poems about me. About us. About how he loves me. About how he wished he was just a normal teen. About everything about him he never told me.

I hugged it with my whole body. I shut my eyes so tight, it hurts. Xavier, my Saviour, angel and love, he’s gone. Forever. With the strongest reminder of his existence, I dreamt. I dreamt of that night, if he came and he saw how beautiful I was with my blue empress dress, and he asked me to dance. And I did. I floated with him. And as I found my felicity, our felicity. Our lips touched. And I dreamt of it, so vivid as if it was real, I dreamt of our life. If we spent our life with each other for eternity. Together. Forever. 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ayooon pasensya na sa sad ending >.< At dahil binabasa mo to ngaun.. Thanks Thanks Thanks at napagtiyagaan mong basahin.. Whatever you feel. comment lang .. Thanks parin nagustuhan mo man o hindi ksi tinapos mo sia . xoxo mwaahugggs :D