The Light At The Very End Of The Tunnel

Unwanted Feelings

Menna
I always felt so tired after my attacks. Today not being an exception left me feeling like an over cooked spaghetti. Firas hovered over my bed awkwardly. He looked tortured. I was trying to defuse the tension by correcting him about my name. Far from what I intended, he ran his hands over his face cursing beneath his breath.

'I shouldn't have left you on the floor' He said. I could tell it cost him everything to be admitting this. He hadn't actually come out and apologized plainly. But as his emotions towards me boarded on robot zone, it was a pretty huge display of feelings.
My plan to runaway ended up being catastrophic. But more than anything, I was so relieved I could start crying again. I shudder to think what would have happened if Firas hadn't come to my rescue. I never imagined being in a situation like that. And thinking back, I realized how flawed my actions were.

'How are you feeling' Firas asked scanning my face. I tried to sit up but was too weak. I gave up and just turned my face towards his direction. He was still standing by the door. Hands deep in the pockets of his pants.

'Could've been worse.' I said truthfully

'Thank you for saving me Firas' I added. Meaning every word.
His face was expressionless. I wonder was he was thinking. He looked exhausted. I wanted to ask him to sit. But didn't want to be disappointed just in case he refused.

'I should let you rest' he said suddenly.

I didn't want him to go. But instead of saying just that, I nodded solemnly and turned away from him. He stayed for a few moments. His presence made me feel safe. But just when I thought he changed his mind, I heard the door creak open and he was gone.

The nurse helped me out of the hospital gown into my clothes. I was so glad to see Firas standing outside the door. He was holding a bag of pristine drugs. And was talking to the woman who came to our room the first night I arrived. The one who treated me. Layla. She was everything I couldn't be. A doctor. A beautiful doctor who was so obviously in love with Firas. I wonder why he didn't just marry her instead. A trickle of jealously gnawed at my heart. Dear God. When did I go from trying to get away from these lot, to becoming jealous. I was threading on dangerous roads. He obviously wanted nothing to do with me. I had no business catching feelings now.

As soon as Firas saw me, he left Layla and walked towards me. I saw her eyes follow him longingly. 

'Can you walk? ' He asked

'Yes' I replied. What would he have done if I had said no.

'Lets go then' He said and started walking away. He stopped to thank Layla and walked towards the exit. I trodded after him as fast as my tired legs could carry me. Layla stopped me on my way out.

'Don't forget what we discussed' She said in half a whisper
I said nothing but headed out towards the glossy doors, after Firas.
He stood beside the car and opened the back door as I approached him.

'I can ride shot gun' I said

'No' He said without explaining
I rolled my eyes and did as I was told. He was such a robot. A very good looking robot. Stop it Menna. This was getting ridiculous. Why did I suddenly start having feelings for this obviously unavailable husband of mine. I was seriously going to get burned if I didn't stop this immediately. I just needed a new gateway plan. This time, I will plan the escape as carefully as I could.

The drive back to the house was long. Firas wore his shades. I couldn't tell if he was looking at me through the rear mirror. Still my face burned. I could feel rather than see him glancing at me every other moment. I guess it was a better choice to sit at the back. I could lie down.

I woke up in bed not remembering getting there or falling asleep. What in the world had happened. Did Firas carry me up here. I wasn't a deep sleeper. Even though I've been seriously sleep deprived. Someone had even changed my...  '

'Arrrrrghhhh!' I squealed. No. He couldn't have. One of the maids must have. Bolting upright, I stood and fell right back on the bed. Head rush. Sitting up carefully I waited till it cleared up and stood up carefully and stood before the dressing mirror. I looked like a mess. My long hair was in tangles. My face was swollen from all the crying. The bruise on my face was still purple and ugly. But a huge blush was creeping up my neck. Slapping my cheeks gently with both hands, I said out loud

'Stop it Menna'
I didn't have the luxury of feeling this way. He was leaving in weeks. And I was leaving before then. I had no business blushing over him. Be sensible Menna I thought and went to take a bath.

Nadeen was beside herself.  She fussed over my state until I felt embarrassed.
'Habibaty,  this is your home now. You can't ever repeat this okay' She said with tears in her eyes. A twinge of shame hit me. I had caused her to worry so much. But I didn't belong here. I had to leave. Before he left me.

I was as glad as I was displeased When I didn't catch even a glimpse of Firas for the next few days. I was glad I didn't see him much because the embarrassment of him carrying me to bed and changing my clothes weighed on me like a ton of bricks. On the other hand, I longed to see him. I found myself thinking of him for hours and I didn't even know anything about him. I knew very well I was heading for an ending filled with disastrous heartbreak. But my heart having a mind of its own, did whatever the hell it wanted. Regardless of my persistent warning.

It wasn't until the following week that Firas finally showed up. I was sitting at one of the tables at the library, reading a book about the history of the civilization of Egypt when he strolled in. My heart started to dance in cartwheels. He wore a clean white t-shirt and dark blue jeans. He looked good. But very tired. He had dark circles under his dreamy eyes.

'Peace be upon you, Menna' He said coolly

'Peace be upon you, Firas' I replied.

'How are you feeling? ' He asked surveying me intently

'What...  Oh...  I'm okay' I said nervously

'I need to tell you something.' He said seriously
I nodded urging him to continue.

'I have been deployed oversees' He said clearly.

'I leave next week' He continued without waiting for a reply. It was just as well. I didn't know what to say.

'Thought you should know' He said

'Thank you for telling me' I managed to say. He nodded twice and turned around leaving me feeling like my world had shattered into pieces.