Love, I'm Done (ON HOLD)

Chapter 10

Chapter 10

I walk up to Jace.

'What the hell was that all about?' He asks as he wraps his arm around my waist.

'I seriously have no friken idea.'

He nods and kisses my forehead as we walk to my locker.

The people on the other side of my locker bank hate me and Jace. I don't know why, but they throw things at us basically everyday. It's annoying.

Today, they throw a water bottle over at us.

'Ugh! I've seriously had enough of their shit!' I say to Jace, then I yell over the lockers. 'Seriously? Grow the hell up! Goddamn.'

Jace chuckles a bit at me and kisses my cheek.

We head to our next classes, and run through the same routine.

Then it's lunch time, Jace and I meet at our table. We all get lunch and come sit down. Jace and I look at each other and nod, while smiling.

'Ahem' Jace clears his throat, causing everyone to look up at him. We stand next to each other. 'Well, I'm guessing you were all wondering why we were both gone yesterday, am I correct?'

They nod urgently, as if they know what we're about to announce.

'Well, Ember is officially my girlfriend. You all may clap now.' He says smiling and kisses me while our friends clap their asses off.

We break the kiss and smile at each other. He grabs my hand and lifts it up with his and screams, 'Victory!'

After lunch, we go through the rest of our classes and today, Jace walks with me to the bus instead of talking with everyone before joining me.

He hold my hand and doesn't get off at his stop. He gets off with my siblings and I. I skip to the front door and let us all in. Jace and I head downstairs, we both change into a different outfit. I notice bandages on his arm.

'Jacey.. What's tha..'

He cuts me off with a kiss. 'Come on Em lets go outside, to the park!'

'Jace. What happened?'

'Nothing Em, come on.' He says, grabbing my hand and pulling me along to go outside.

'Hold on, I gotta pee Jace.'

'Okay.'

I head into my bathroom and start silent crying. The tears start to come and I can't stop them.

Ohmygod. He has cut before. He has. Ohmygod. Ohmygod. I can't right now. Why hasn't he talked to me? What if it's because of me? It's my fault. I know it. I know those bandages are to cover cuts. I just know it. I feel it in my gut.

I feel my heart shattering, breaking, so hard right now. I feel my heart race and my lungs not letting a lot of air in. I slide against the door crying. I whimper slips out, and Jace hears it.

'Babe? You okay?' He says knocking. He fumbles with the handle and turns the nob.

I scream 'No!' My voice breaks, now he for sure knows something is wrong. I crawl over so he can open the door all the way. He instantly sees my face all blotchy and makeup smeared. He looks down to the ground and starts 'Em, I didn't kno...'

I cut him off. 'Don't even say you didn't know how to tell me. We've been best friends for a super long time and you can't fucking talk to me? I do it too, ya know? And I fucking trusted you with my secret, and you can't tell me? Really. You don't even know how much I'm hurt and angry and sad and everything hurts. I need to be alone..'

'No, please let me explain. Please Embe..'

'Why? Why didn't you tell me?'

'Em, I'm sorry. It was only the first time, I was gonna tell you but how do you just come out and say like hey ya know I cut myself last night? Like how can I tell you? When I know that when I told you that you would probably go and do it yourself.. I can't do that to you. This was my fault, I should have told you but I didn't know how to. I'm sorry. Please Em, please forgive me. I'm so sorry, I'll never do it again. '

'No Jace, you don't understand. It's not a one time thing. It is almost impossible to do it once! Once you do, you realize how much it helped that one time, and then whenever anything goes wrong that is hat you fall back to every time. You fail a test, you cut. Your friend makes a joke and it's about you, you take it serious and cut. Why did you do it this time? Why didn't you talk to me about it? Why Jace?'

'My mom and I got in a fight.. A huge fight last night.. I, I jus couldn't bother you, I figured you had a good day and I didn't wanna ruin it. I'm so sorry Ember.'

'Next time, will you text or call me or come over? Please? I don't want you doing this..'

'Okay, I will. Please don't be angry at me.'

'I'm not angry Jace, I'm just.. Hurt. I never wanted you to go through any if this. You were the safe and clean and okay and happy person in my life and I just don't want you to get bad. I want you to have a good life, Jace.'

'I'm with you, of course I'm going to have a good life.' He says, grabbing my hand. 'Everything is going to be okay Em, it will be.'

He sounds more as if he's trying to reassure himself, rather than me.

*A while later*

We waked to the park. Jace and I are both on one swing, doing the spider where we face each other and swing that way. We aren't laughing like we always do, we're just being numb and emotionless right now.

Finding out your absolute best friend, who is also your boyfriend, cut is way to much. I want him to be okay. This is my fault, isn't it?

It is.

I lean in and kiss him softly on his lips, he kisses back a little stronger than mine. He gives me a small smile and whispers 'Baby, you look beautiful.' That causes me to blush quite a bit and smile at him. He pokes my dimple that is most prominent.

The wind picks up and blows my hair all over, making it get in both of our mouths. We both giggle and I ask if he wants to head back home.

When we get to my place, I ask him if I can see his cuts.

He nods slowly and takes off his hoodie and peels off each bandage. They aren't too deep, they're basically just small little scratches. I kiss all 23 of them. They are tiny, but that's a lot of a first time. I then kiss his lips, forehead, cheeks, nose, lips, ear, the top of his head. I kiss his hands and each finger.

'Jace, my love, you're perfect. I love you. Okay?'

'I want you forever Ember.'

'Jace.. You know I hate that word..'

'How about, how about for-always? We can be for-always. I want you for-always Em. You mean everything to me.' He says and kisses me, passionately.

'Yes. That's perfect for us. For-always.' I say smiling up at him.

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