The Myth List:
A Zombie Novel
by Gus Rachels
Chapter 1
Picture in your head a burger place. Not a Johnny Rockets or a Five Guys, but one of those burger places that’s unique to an area. This one in particular was called Hank’s Burgers. It had a big yellow sign that stood at the right edge of its parking lot, a sign far too big considering the size of the restaurant. Okay, now zoom in and you’re inside the restaurant. There’s a counter that runs along the wall and several tables around the rest of the place. Go to a booth at one of these tables and you’ll find a newlywed couple sitting on one side of the table. They’re holding hands like it’s the first time they had ever touched. They were in love. A waiter, dressed in yellow from head to toe, comes up to their table and asks for their order. They order the same thing. The waiter writes it down, walks back into the kitchen and clips the order up with the rest of them.
That waiter is me. I’d been waiting tables at Hank’s Burgers for a year now, ever since I dropped out of college. I didn’t enjoy it - I’m not sure anyone here did - but it paid for my rent, so I wasn’t complaining.
As I went to give the married couple their meal, I looked at my watch. It was 5:58. After I finished waiting this table I could go home for the day.
“Here’s your meal! Let me know if you guys need anything, all right?”
I said the same thing to every customer. It was monotonous. That’s what I really didn’t like about this job - there’s no variety. Get into work, wait a bunch of customers and say the same thing to each and every one of them.
“What can I get you guys to drink?”
“Would you like a salad or fries with that?”
“Are you enjoying your meal?”
“Would you like to see our dessert menu?”
When you got hired at Hank’s Burgers, they gave you three things - your schedule, your uniform, and a list of questions that you had to ask to every person you waited. There were fifteen in total, and they were branded into my head forever.
When the newlyweds were done eating, I picked up the tip (it was 25%. Being generous must be a side effect of being in love.) I got into my Chevy Sonic and drove to my apartment.
I pulled into the parking lot to find my neighbor Felipe running out of the apartment building with a look of terror in his eyes. I chuckled and stepped out of my car.
“Felipe! Late for something?” He turned around, trembling.
“Patrick, it’s awful! People are dying!”
I was perplexed. “What?”
“I can’t talk, Patrick!” He ran away screaming.
After staring at him run for a few seconds, I went into the building.
Inside my apartment, I tore off my yellow work shirt to reveal my equally yellow undershirt. I turned on the television as I fished out my wallet. I rooted through all the receipts and gum wrappers and counted the money.
Five bucks...
“A sickness previously only found in southern parts of Africa has found its way to Ft. Lauderdale, Florida...”
Twelve bucks...
“Not much is known about it, but symptoms include coma, insanity, and death. The disease will hopefully...”
