To be Alive

Part 1

            I'm like a black cat: wherever I am, misfortune will soon befall.

I was the cause of my best friend's death.

"Be careful while playing!" My parents yelled as Yuna and I ran out to the front yard. I was really excited to see her after being apart for so long. I was starting to get tired of just calling her over the phone. We went to the same elementary school, but she moved in fourth grade to Busan for about three years before coming back here in Incheon.

Yuna grabbed the ball from inside my garage and bounced it towards me.

"Eunseo! Catch!"

I caught the ball as it bounced towards me. "Come on, Yuna!" I said as I raised the ball over my head—I was really excited. I threw the ball towards her, but my throw was stronger than I had anticipated. The ball rolled into the street and I began to apologize.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have thrown it that far..." I said as I put my head down. Although I was starting middle school soon, my parents always told me to never cross the street, as I never knew what crazy person would be driving down the road. As far as I knew, that ball was long gone.

"It's ok!" Yuna said as she ran onto the street. "I can still get it."

I reached my hand out as if that would stop her; anxiety filled my body as I saw her run onto the street. I took a couple steps forward until my feet touched the curb.

"Yuna! No!" Her mother screamed from the front porch. A car was speeding down the street. I blinked and when I opened my eyes, I saw a bright red staining the concrete.

~~~

I was the cause of my family's issues.

"You lost the job?" I heard my mother say—I had just entered the house.

"I'm sorry... I'm trying my best," my father said in a low voice.

"Don't apologize... it's not your fault..." My mother's voice was filled with slight anxiety. "We can't continue like this, Eunseo won't be able to handle this. She has a future to fulfill."

"I'm sorry," my father's voice cracked. He sounded like he was going to cry. "I'm trying my best."

"Honey, it's ok," my mother said; she wasn't expecting my father to cry. "Things will get better."

Suddenly my dad slammed his fist onto the table. "Why do I need to care about her? She's a mon-"

"I'm back!" I said as I revealed myself—I didn't want to listen any longer.

"Eunseo..." My father's voice was trembling.

"Eunseo, we've been talking and we're sorry to say, but we have to move again..." My mother looked down at the floor. "Our house might have to be smaller, but it'll be ok."

Mom, please keep your head up. It's not your fault... you don't have to feel guilty about anything.

Dad...

I've never been relatively close to my father. Still, it's not your fault either...

Despite these feelings, I nodded. I walked upstairs to my room without uttering another word. This has been the fifth time we've had to move in a span of four months. I tried to act as if I didn't know anything, but in reality, I knew exactly what was happening. I overheard one of my parent's conversations—some workers in my dad's work group betrayed my father and gave away big job opportunities to where they would get a bigger profit. Eventually, his boss decided to fire him.