Makeup remover wipes S.M.

Chapter 74

I lay on the bed in tears. A few months ago he had me tested and then inseminated and now we've lost the baby, I would've kept going but he wouldn't let me. It was me or him, and Shawn picked him. I was inseminated so that I wouldn't be as mad at him all of the time and finally while we were starting to get closer again we lost the only thing keeping us together. He was supposed to be born on my birthday and instead I was induced and forced to give birth which resulted in a still born baby. He could be here right now, he's only four weeks early but it's just not always meant to be. "You Alright?" Shawn renters holding coffee handing me the cup he knew I would reuse. He takes it himself sipping it but setting it down quickly.

"I'm tired, and I'm sore, there's no feeling of satisfaction for having carried this thing around for months because he's gone but I'm alright." I nod slowly and he nods back.

"I'm really sorry, about this whole mess," he looks down. "I just didn't want to loose you because of something so stupid, so small."

"It wasn't stupid to me. If I'm acting like a child I want to know, I don't want you to lie to me our whole marriage." I sigh at him a little. "Well I didn't, want you to lie to me our whole marriage."

"Didn't?" He sits next to me. "Do you not care anymore, because I promised already that I would never," I cut him off.

"Didn't meaning it will no longer be our marriage you lie to me about." I nod while he gives me a confused look. "I want a divorce." I slide down on the bed my stomach turns at the words.

"I really hate it when you say that, because I know you don't mean it," He huffs making me roll my eyes.

"I mean it this time. None of this is a lie so why should a divorce be?"

Flashback

"Almost, Almost," they encouraged while I pushed. Something I thought I'd never have to do again. "Ok," they nodded trying to get him ready to meet us but it didn't take long for tears to fill each of their eyes. "I'm really sorry," they handed me the body of the lifeless boy and I stared at it. He was beautiful, and it's a real shame we won't get to see what he could become, we can't even try again. "Well give you two some time."

End of flashback

"Because you love me? And even if we don't have him anymore you love me." He asks Almost he's very unsure but he hasn't been sure of anything in a long time. "I am positive, that this baby boy," he looks to the little guy in my arms still. "He wouldn't have wanted this." They let me dress him, and he's honestly the most adorable thing I've seen in so long. It's really hard to let go, they've come in six times to get me to try and give him to them for the disposal of his body. I've been asking for so long if we could have his body to give him a proper funeral but we're not allowed. In the place we're gonna plant a tree in our field, right where we want our family to be buried. But we've always wanted to go first.

"He deserved better than us Shawn." I sigh kissing his cheek. "I know you don't wanna hear it but it's true," I look up at him but it takes a lot for me to look way from this boy.

"Can, can we all just lay together for a bit, and be happy for a second?" He bites his trembling lip. "We lost our baby already and I really don't wanna loose you too." He pulls me into his chest but slowly being very gentile because of our baby. Our little stillborn baby, he hasn't got a name yet but he's gonna have a great one and I want everyone to help with it.

"You're loosing us both like it or not, I can't handle it anymore." I shrug and he nods.

"A kiss? A kiss goodbye, and a kiss for the little one." He gives my lips a soft peck, before he gently presses his lips against the tiny cheek of our boy. "I'm gonna go get the car." I hadn't realized we needed to leave, I just knew I wanted to hold onto him as long as I could and I don't think I can any longer.

"I wish I could hear you cry," I mumble kissing his forehead. "And I wish I could've seen you smiling or mumbling, I wish you could've grown up and made me just as proud as your siblings but I guess it wasn't meant to be."

-

"Where's the little," Shawn shakes his head helping me around, Really he just wants an excuse to hold me, but my psychologist said he has to. She thinks I'm gonna randomly brake down into crying fits.

"It just wasn't meant to be," we sit in front of them taking our rings off. "None of it I guess," he's already started talking to Leah so he can have her and I will stay here in my grief doing my best to heal.

"You're just saying that," my parents are getting old as are his and it's not something we've ever wanted to do while they were still here if it had to come to it but we're gonna have to.

"She means it," Shawn shrugs looking down. "I don't," He sets a box against the table. "It was gonna be your birthday present." He wipes his tears before standing. "I'll take you home," He nods at our parents who are no longer permitted to drive on their own.

"Wait," I call out softly almost hoping he won't hear. "Don't you wanna watch me open it?" He turns and stares while I slowly undo the bow. It's either a bracelet or a ring. "An eternity ring?" I smile at it.

"You wanted proof of commitment." He shrugs. "I was gonna give it to you on our anniversary but it wasn't ready and then you were all mad at me so I just kept it. I thought we were back where we'd started." He sighs walking out.