Empty Pleasure

Three years. Sitting on a plane for what seemed like an eternity and all Hazel could think of was three years, gone and wasted. She experienced moments like this before. Where she had a million and a half reasons to burst into tears or get blazingly angry, let alone feel any emotion at all but for some unknown reason the only thing she could feel over the bitterness in her heart was emptiness.

In the past few years hazel had experienced more story telling moments than the average person does in a lifetime and yet she had nothing to show for it. Nothing but a broken necklace that she couldn't help but grip in her palm. Opening up her hand she could see the slight indent of a little flower pressed into her skin from grasping the pendant on the necklace so hard. It was the one thing she couldn't let go of. The only thing left to prove to herself that everything that happened wasn't just a dream.

As she sat in the back row of the plane she couldn't resist observing all the people. One woman holding a baby tightly in her arms scanned the aisle for her seat with a stressed to the limit look on her face. A man with hair so grey it almost looked silver flagged down a flight attendant so he could ask for a cup of scotch to settle his nerves before the plane takes off. Everyone seemed to know there purpose. Or at least have an idea of what they wanted. As Hazel sat there surrounded by so many people she realized shed never felt so alone.

The story of how she got to this point in her life took place over the corse of three fast paced years. They were the kind of times you try so hard to hold onto but you know that inevitably they will slip through your fingers and leave you breathless no matter how hard you fight to keep them. Her memories of this time are filled with images of bright buildings lighting up dark places, the taste of the all too familiar stale bread with peanut butter she found herself eating day after day, and of course the sound of him whispering her name.

Just the thought of it sends chills down her spine and instantly makes her feel something inside her bitter heart. But as fast as the feeling rushed into her she shoves it away and focuses her attention back on the people boarding the plane. Hazel often wonders what she would do if she could simply go back in time to a world that seemed so unfamiliar and dim. A time where she knew who she was and what she was doing. She could never imagine feeling that way again. The idea of assurance of herself seemed so unrealistic she couldn't help but let out a sigh.

But then she decides she can take just a moment to reflect back on what happened three years ago. The day she met him. The question pops into her mind once again as it seems to do several times a day. If she could go back in time to that day would she walk the opposite way and change the fate of her life or would she risk feeling the pain all over again and make the same choice twice? After having that thought pass through her mind she allows herself to rest her head against the damp cold plane window and let her thoughts drift back to the day when she didn't walk the opposite way. When she met a man that changed her life forever. But the one thing he changed most was her.