The Wedding Day

The taste of her wine

I woke up today; being the happiest man I can ever be— in a cold morning with sunshine beaming through the white curtain.
I hear silence but still— It was as loud as the bells in the church of a wedding day.
I got up from my bed and ruffled my morning hair, I sighed the worry and uneasiness away. I knew all of this is going to be worth it, her smile is. And that beam, that sunshine on her face, picturing it in my mind is making me smile, I see her sweet, loving eyes while she is wearing her beautiful white dress— walking down the aisle while holding her father's arm. Finally she's going to be a loving wife, I can picture her out on a spring afternoon taking out her freshly baked pie, served with cup of warm tea on a lovely day.

It just uncontrollably leaves me with a smile on my face, but then, I realized I should already get up and go take a shower, for she is gonna be waiting— and it's going to be a wedding day.

I went to the shower, the cold water spraying on my face as it dripped on the floor, I looked down and suddenly tears went rushing through the water. Then suddenly, I remember that rainy day, that temperature of the cold, cold water flowing down my face, I remember the memories before I went home without an umbrella, I remember her.

I remember her looking at me, we were looking at each other face-to-face that day, it was inside a coffee shop. I remember I was the one who asked her out to go drink at that place, we were sitting down while it was pouring outside.
I remember when I told her the sweet words I have been practicing to tell her, in front of my bathroom mirror; I told her "I love you." I remember when she silently smiled at me, looking me in the eyes, it was different from the eyes that I had pictured in my mind, she had the look that could never be explained, that could never be drawn; she looked at me— teary-eyed and said "I know." Blood went rushing to my head, my face flushed. I thought, she knew, she knew I loved her.
But then I realized, I suddenly opened my eyes, I thought to myself it's not the right time to be imagining those memories, I realized I should hurry and dress up. I went to my room and opened the closet and took out the suit that she sent me that came with a letter.
"You better show up, no matter what, okay?" The letter read. I chuckled and mumbled "Of course, silly." I dressed up and sprayed perfume on my wrist then I picked up the invitation letter on top of my desk and walked out the door.
I went inside my car and started the engine and but then suddenly paused. Doubting myself, "Should I really go?" For a few seconds I collected my thoughts.
"I should, she's going to be very beautiful." I thought to myself so I drove the car and arrived in front of the church, I see her family smiling and taking pictures, I see the church being filled with beautiful flowers, it is indeed a beautiful wedding but I know, nothing will match the beauty she has.

I just sat down inside my car, looking at the people gathering up and going inside the church, my mind tells me to go but my body just can't, so I drove myself to the nearest bay. I went outside and snap out a cigarette and lit up my lighter, I smoked away the worry, and as I took a whiff of the smoke, I recollect some of the memories of that past again, I stood there looking at the sea, smoking a few of my cigars and unconsciously, my mind went back to the memory of her, of the day that I had to remember. After her lips told me she knew I loved her all along.

I was in a state of bliss, imagining what could happen between us, and as I imagined we were going to be together, forever, she suddenly says, interrupting my imagination, "And I'm sorry." I looked at her, confused. "I know but I can't accept your confession."
She raised her hand that has a ring and said "I'm going to be married soon."
Then I suddenly got splashed with the taste of her wine, her words that were as bitter as the taste of my first sip of wine. And I remember that day as I went home, I was crying, my tears flowing with the raindrops falling on my face.

Her wine were as bitter as the cigarette I'm smoking right now but I let it all absorb inside me, I let it all take me. And I let her take all of me, without me even being able to touch her, all she had to offer was her glass of wine.

As I stood at the bay, staring at the vast water in front of me, I looked down. The water was dark and pure, it reminds me of her, the liquid of pure coldness reminded me of her and somehow, I still want to be absorbed. So I went and took a few steps forward...

And I jumped.

And now she has all of me.