Behind Ellie's Smile | ✓

November

"Christmas will always be as long as we stand heart to heart and hand in hand." ― Dr.Seuss

5. Celebrate Christmas one last time

We were in the midst of eating a hearty family Thanksgiving dinner when suddenly Bear from his spot under my chair abruptly stood up on all fours and started barking and whining, pawing endlessly of my leg, looking at me with knowing and worried eyes. "What's wrong Be..." A sharp pain struck me before I could finish talking, I gripped my head in pain. Standing up abruptly, I gripped the edge of the table for balance as my vision swayed as if I was on a boat during a stormy storm, "Max..." I mumbled out before collapsing, going down like a sack of onions in front of my shocked family. "Ellie!" I heard my panicked brother call out before darkness engulfed me, suffocating my body like a damp, musty, thick blanket, clinging to every inch of my skin.

"Is she okay? Ellie?! Ellie? Ellie dear please wake up! You can't go yet! Oh, my baby...my sweet girl." I heard the heart-wrenching cries of my mom, I heard my brother Max begging me to wake up, I heard my dad's muffled cries. I wanted to wake up and tell them that everything was going to be okay but I knew that my time was soon running out and giving them false hope would only hurt them more. Blocking out the heart-wrenching sounds of my family's pain, I slipped back into a dreamlike state, shutting out the world around me, not ready to confront my reality just yet.

"My love, don't leave me now," a broken voice desperately called out. I knew that voice, it instantly pulled me out of my slumber and into the light of reality. My eyes opened, letting my grey-blue eyes see the sun's rays piercing through the windows, my eyelashes faintly batting against my lids when I blinked. Everything is blurry, the world spinning like a merry go round. "Ellie? Oh my god, Ellie!" Will rushed to my side and tenderly held my hand tight. "It's okay now my love, it's okay, you are okay," he repeatedly said gently moving a loose strand of hair behind my ear. I looked up and met his eyes, my same ones I fell so in love with these past few months, how bright they were, shining with the tears that had yet to fall in trickling lines. "Will?" I whispered to which he hummed in response, tenderly stroking his thumb over my hand. "Did I ever tell you that you had beautiful eyes?" Will chuckled, "I don't believe you ever did, my love." I softly placed a hand on his cheek and gazed into his eyes. His eyes were blue. Not the ordinary sky blue, or the color of the paint flaking off of the old shed in the back of the field, or even the little flowers that spring up by the side of the road. His eyes were blue like the sea, crystal clear blue- shimmering and crashing and churning. Looking into his eyes you could hear the waves falling against the shore, see the foam flying into the air. His eyes were blue like that warm wool sweater that you put on when the air gets that chill- comfortable, warm, familiar. His eyes were that kind of blue. And today, they shined more than other days, so impossibly blue that it was like he had his own sky inside of him.

The door burst open, "My baby girl!" my mom exclaimed before hurrying over to my bedside, throwing her arms around me, embracing me in a warm motherly hug filled with love. My dad and brother followed suit, struggling to hold back tears as they did. "Will texted us and told us that you were awake. Ellie, you really scared us, we thought that we had really lost you then, and ...and I am not ready for that yet." Max said, his voice wobbly as he choked back in tears. I smiled at my family and boyfriend, "I am still here and I am not leaving that soon! There's still Christmas to celebrate!"

"Ellie, you may go home now, please take it easy for the next couple of weeks. Your body is slowing shutting down, there is not much time left, so you should prepare yourself, my dear." My doctor never sugar coated anything, he states facts and raw truth. I appreciated it but at the same time wanted to block out everything he says, perhaps it is because I have not accepted my reality yet. My mom helped me wash up and replace the unquestionably ugly stark white hospital gown with a pair of light grey sweatpants and a plain white t-shirt. I glanced at the plain and monotone hospital room before shutting the door.