Behind Ellie's Smile | ✓

December

Love is a promise, love is a souvenir, once given never forgotten, never let it disappear.
- John Lennon

6. Fall in love

After the early bittersweet Christmas festivities, I felt weaker as the days passed. My body self-destructing, day by day. The tumor growing, spreading, consuming every part of me. Little by little. There was no more sun as my world clouded over. I collapsed again on December 1st, I really thought that my story was going to end right then and there but miraculously, it was not my time yet. From then on, I was moved out and the hospital became my new home, the sterile plain white room, a temporary place where the beats of my heart end. Hooked to machines, with wires upon wires connected to me all I could hear was the constant beep of my heartbeat, a repetitive sound that filled the silent void at night, a sound that showed my faint signs of life.

Bear's bed laid by my bedside but he never used it, my bed was his too. With the hospital's special permission, Bear got to stay with me at the hospital, not only to keep me company but to comfort me. At night, Bear would cuddle with me on my bed, keeping me warm from the biting chilling air outside. He was exactly the friend I needed during those long lonely nights. I read somewhere that dogs had a sixth sense and could sense when his owner would pass. I wondered if my doodle dog knew when my time to leave the physical world will come. I petted his fur lovingly, "I love you Bear." He licked my nose in response and I laughed. 

Will and my family came to visit me every day, coming as soon as it was visiting hours early in the crisp morning and they would stay for as long as they could until visiting time around nightfall. Since I was bedridden, we would spend our days playing with board games, eating my favorite take-out foods from a variety of restaurants and watching movies. As the days elapsed, I felt myself falling into deep slumbers, those that I was unable to wake up from at will. I would only wake up for a short amount of time before unwillingly slipping back into darkness. My days were soon spent more in dreamland than in the real world. A darkness that was slowly consuming me.

On December 5th, my heart stopped. My soul was in the dark tunnel, attracted by the light the shone at the end, it gravitated towards it when suddenly it stopped and turn back. I remember. I remember it all and it scared the hell out of me. Finding myself back in the physical world, my eyelids flutter open and I slowly became aware of my surroundings, all my senses coming back at once. I breathe out a sigh of relief. "Ellie...Ellie?! She's alive! Oh, thank god." Max called out, his voice hoarse and broken. "Baby girl! Don't scare your old man like that!" my dad cried out, as his tears fell uncontrollably. I willed my heavy eyelids to lift open, managed to form a weak smile to reassure them that I was okay. I was not ready to leave yet. There was still something important I needed to do before then.

On December 7th, I spent the afternoon writing my letter to Will. I struggled to keep my composer, as unending tears splattered on the paper whilst I wrote. After I was done, I neatly folded the rose-scented paper and slipped it safely into a white envelope before sealing it closed. Max sat next to me the whole time, struggling himself to hold back tears. "A few weeks after I am gone, please give this letter to Will," I instructed my big brother. Max slipped the letter into his thick wool winter coat jacket before reaching out to wipe away my tears, "I will Ellie, I promise." I smiled brightly through my tears, "Max? Do not be sad okay bubby? It's all going to be okay." Max held my hand and looked at me with watery eyes, "How can I not be baby sis, you're going to leave me soon. You will never get to meet my future wife, my children and be the fun aunt to them that you've always wanted to be. Time will stop for you while mine will continue. I cannot imagine life without you sis, you're the sun." I smiled softly, lifting my hand to wipe away my big brother's tears, "You're wrong Max, I'll be there for it all. I promise." I held up my pinky finger and he wrapped his bigger one around mine, sealing a promise that this time I could keep. Up there, I will protect and watch over them all.