The Only One Who's Holy (Hayley Williams x Lynn Gunn)

3. Expectations

My face still fucking hurt.

I had to see Jenna tonight.

My face still fucking hurt.

I didn't want to see Jenna tonight.

Oh, and my face still fucking hurt.

In all honesty, I found it hard to like Jenna. Don't get me wrong , she was definitely gorgeous, but she could be so terribly annoying, acting as if me her and I could be in a long term relationship, it was rather desperate. I was sure that after tonight I was going to dump her.

Does that make me a terrible person? Getting what I want from a girl and then dumping them the next day?

Most definitely.

Am I going to change?

Probably not.

I didn't even want to go to her house anymore, once again school has drained all my energy and will to live (but then again, when doesn't it?)

Lighting a cigarette outside of the school gates, I began to walk home, not bothering to wait for Gerard, he was probably with Frank anyway.

Before I could even take ten steps I heard Lynn's voice again. Fantastic.

"Those things'll kill you, you know." She stated matter of factly, narrowing her eyes at me.

Oh no she pointed out that a dangerous thing is dangerous. Lynn:1 Hayley:0  how would I ever recover from this harsh logic?

"Well consider it a favour." I said, once again smirking because I know how much she hates that.

She continued to walk with me for a few seconds in an uncomfortable silence.

"I don't want you to die." She mentioned quietly.

I laughed, flicking the ash of my cigarette onto the pavement. "Of all the shit that you've said ,Lynn, I think that tops it."

"For fucks sake." She aggressively spoke, she grabbed my arm and turned me towards her so that we were now just standing in the street. "Don't consider it sentimental, okay, dyke? You're my only source of entertainment round here, so don't flatter yourself." She threatened.

I rolled my eyes. "I'm not scared of you."

Okay that was a complete fucking lie, I was actually terrified of her. Although I did a damn good job of hiding it, there have been many days where I've skipped lessons (or even school altogether) because I was afraid of her getting mad at me and beating me up. Well, on the days i didn't think I would enjoy it ,at least.

Maybe if I was more obviously afraid of her, she'd feel more powerful and leave me alone. But I've got way too many self expectations and misplaced pride to do a thing like that.

She took a step closer to me, looking down so that our noses were almost touching.

"Well maybe you should be."

And at that, she walked away, leaving me feeling vulnerable and afraid once again.

I angrily stamped on my cigarette and quickly walked home, not wanting her to change her mind and come back to fight again.

When I finally got back to my house, I stared at the clock, wishing I still had more time until I had to go to Jenna's.

All I wanted to do was sleep, and hope to be happier tomorrow, but instead I have to traipse down to a house I've never been to before and most likely fuck my girlfriend when I don't even want to.

God, why am I making it sound like such a chore?

Maybe I could cancel? Send her a text and let her know I'm not feeling up for it tonight?

No. I can't disappoint her. And I'm breaking up with her tomorrow, so we may as well have a little more time together.

I sighed, placing myself in front of the television and waiting until 6 o clock rolled round.

I couldn't help but think of Lynn. And how she described me as her 'entertainment' as if I was some fucking puppet who's strings she could just pull on whenever she pleased. If I wasn't around she'd just beat up some other fag, although I couldn't imagine it.

Our school was huge. There were plenty of gay girls and gay boys who couldn't fight back, so why did she only ever hurt me?

Well, I have seen her being a bitch to some other people, but never anything extremely physical.

Well lucky me, aren't I special.

I couldn't help but admit that she wasn't terrible-looking. I mean, anyone would rather get the shit beaten out of them by a hot girl than anything less.

But then again, most people would rather not get the shit beaten out of them at all.

Was I one of those people? Sometimes.

I closed my eyes and laid down across the sofa, listening to the clock tick on repeat.

I didn't want to go to Jenna's house.