Oops! Ang larawang ito ay hindi sumusunod sa aming mga alituntunin sa nilalaman. Upang magpatuloy sa pag-publish, subukan itong alisin o mag-upload ng bago.
Oops! Ang larawang ito ay hindi sumusunod sa aming mga alituntunin sa nilalaman. Upang magpatuloy sa pag-publish, subukan itong alisin o mag-upload ng bago.
A. OPENING
Prologue
This part doesn't have any title, but for me, it qualifies as a prologue.
The start is quite engaging. The conflict is very much present and I can feel the tension among the characters through their actions and dialogue. Emotions are precisely conveyed by describing their facial expressions and body language.
I like the way the sentences are crafted. Aside from properly setting the tone, a clear mental image is created in my mind.
Chapter 1
There are three major scenes in this chapter and each requires varied emotions. For the first part, it fails to cultivate the right emotion. Or, maybe this is the writer's objective, not to go deeper when Jeremiah confessed his sexual orientation?
I consider the second part uninteresting. This scene, Jeremiah meeting the girl, may be relevant but I'm not convinced that it should be in the first chapter.
I like the third scene though. There's really something working on between Jeremiah and Gabriel. I feel their instant connection, and Jeremiah seems to jump into life whenever Gabriel is around.
Just a quick question, would it not be awkward for a young man to carry an eight-year-old girl in his arm, especially if this was their first meeting? Malaki na siya para kargahin.
Areas to consider:
Terminologies and grammar – discussed under Grammar & Spelling (some of them are in the comment section of your book).
B. CONFLICT
Both internal and external conflicts are present.
C. PLOT
Main Plot
This is a story of a young man having gender issues and his struggles to conceal his true sexual orientation. It also portrays how he fights his growing attraction to a person of the same sex and how this attraction conflicts with his faith.
