It was the crack of dawn, and Chris was just awaking from his deep slumber. He rose from his bed, with black satin sheets of course, and walked over to a piss bucket because plumbing wasn't a thing. He let his wee be free and started brushing his teeth.
"KA KAWW!" Cried his rooster. He named the rooster Cock because Chris was a man of maturity far beyond his years. Just one look into his eyes and you can see his true wisdom.
There was a loud crash and an audience of voices began to form outside. Chris looked out his window and saw a large crowd of people squirming together like the filthy normies they were.
"I wonder what's going on." Chris said in his weird monotone voice.
Suddenly, there was a bright flash of light. People began to cheer, which made chris even more annoyed. Fucking normies.
"Wait a minute, hold the phone...what in tarnation was that flash of light? It couldn't be a camera. I shouldn't even know what those are.
Chris looked out his window and let out a gasp. It was Jesus! THE Jesus! What was he doing here?
As he pondered about, Chris tripped on a small pebble. As he fell, he saw a white light and immediately knew that his life was flashing before his very eyes.
"NOOoooo...-" He screamed. "I HAVE TO DELET...E....MY BROWSER......HISTORY...."
As his final breaths escaped his mouth, he relived every embarrassing moment in his life, which was ironic because that's pretty much his whole life.
Just as he was about to die, Chris felt the gentle touch, but very firm, grasp of a man. Chris slowly opened his eyes to see Jesus embracing him.
"I heard a scream," Jesus said. "I came as fast as I could."
"Phrasing..." Chris coughed.
"Oh I see how it is," Jesus answered as he picked up Chris and carried him to the bed. "Shhh let me show you how men do it..."
Jesus then blind folded Chris. There was a shuffling in the room and a loud clank.
"Wow uhm, I'm very flattered, Jesus..." Chris said. "But no homo, bro."
"Shhh, it's not gay if the balls don't touch." Jesus whispered.
"No no no, Jesus, I think you're misunderstanding me..." Chris trailed off.
Jesus then
