I Love You. Okay?

I lay in my oversized bed, thinking about what Gus' dad had said to me earlier when I was leaving Memorial.

"It could be tonight. Just...be prepared."

Of course, I can never be truly prepared for Augustus' death. But I won't be able to sleep if I don't speak to him.

So, I pick up my phone and tap on Gus' contact. The old cellphone rings four times until his tired voice crackles through the speaker.

"Hazel Grace, how are you?" I hear him cough slightly as he pulls away from the phone.

"I'm alright. I guess. How are you?"

"Cancerous. I am large cancerous blob of tumour-filled organs and infected bones. Other than that, I'm wonderful! It's great to hear your voice, Hazel Grace."

"And it's great to hear your voice, Augustus."

"I'm sure it is." I laugh into the darkness of night. The glowing clock beside my bed tells me it is 12:30 in the morning. A half hour past midnight.

"You know that no matter what, I am grateful for our little infinity. Even if you stole my role of being a grenade, I still love you, Augustus Waters. I am no mathematician so it is obvious when I say that the small amount of time we were able to spend together and fall in love was like a forever within the numbered days.

"I love you with all my heart and soul and mind. Okay?"

But I didn't get a response.

Augustus was still alive. I could hear his breathing. Though low and shallow, I could still his lungs taking in and pushing out air.

"Gus?" I repeated his name a few times before I got a weak 'bye' and heard the beeping signifying he had hung up.

I just stared at my phone, willing it to come alive with his voice, strong and charismatic. Just like how it was when I first met him. But it didn't so I rolled over and stared at the glow-in-the-dark stars covering my ceiling.

I couldn't take it anymore! I had to hear him say 'Okay' one last time. at least a reply.

It's sad how my sleep depends on hearing one word being said.

So I drove all the way to Memorial with Phillip in my red three quarter sleeved top and long black pyjama pants. I didn't even have shoes on. Just my phone, wallet, keys and the clothes on my already dressed body.

I sprung from the car as much as you can with an oxygen tank and crappy lungs weighing you down and raced to Augustus' room.

There he was, all yellow skin and protruding bone. Everyone in the room, his mum and dad and sisters and their families, turned to see what the ruckus was but Gus just let his eyes drift to mine and smile crookedly before patting the space beside him.

I power walked over to the bed and perched myself on the edge, holding Gus' cold hand. I pressed a soft kiss to his cracked lips.

"You know, you never said it back when we were on the phone just a while ago," I say.

"That's the whole reason you're here? Not to see your boyfriend but to hear six words?"

I nod at him. "Yes. But I wish you were more than my boyfriend. I wish you were my fiancé. My husband. The father to my children. The one to grow older with me because we both know that I would never die of old age."

"Well then, will you, Hazel Grace, do me the honour of being your fiancé until I die?" A tear slips out of my eye and Gus wipes it away with a shaky hand.

"Of course. I wouldn't have it any other way. I love you, Augustus. Okay?"

"I love you, Hazel Grace," Gus takes a deep breath and is about to continue when his heart machine starts beeping it's head off.

"Gus? Gus? Augustus?! GUS! PLEASE, NO! DON'T LEAVE ME! Please, don't be a grenade." I shake him as his eyes slowly close and all the machines around start to whine. I cry as his breathing gets shallower and harder to do. I realise this is the end as he breathes out one word with his last breath.

"Okay."