The steady ring of the life support was a big punch on my gut. I dared looking at her lifeless body but I can’t stare for long. Fresh set of tears flowed on my cheeks like a stream. Doctors and nurses came rushing inside the room. I was shocked when they didn’t even try to revive her using the defibrillator.
“What are you doing? Help her! Someone-”
My mother squeezed my shoulder to stop me.
“She forbade anyone to revive her, son. She signed a contract. It’s not the doctor’s fault. Let her be, Nic.” She informed in her fits of cries.
“It’s time.” said another doctor.
“W-what are you doing here?” I asked the doctor in confusion. He was someone I knew a long time ago.
“Nic, my son, you’re having your operation today.” She said. “It is due to expire any day the moment we received the letter. You were feeling signs of it and we knew. But I’m sure you haven’t thought about it because the day we received the reminder, it’s the day that Cas was diagnosed with stage four cancer.” My mother further explained when she saw confusion on my face.
“We didn’t tell you about it because you were so devastated about her Leukaemia and we were also struggling on finding another donor. You know how long the process is.” I heard my father explained. “We didn’t want you to have another thing to worry about. You were way below the priority list and Cas knew it. She did because she saw the letter.”
My eyes landed on her. I was mad and in mourning at the same time. I don’t know what to feel anymore. “Cas…”
So this is what she said about how it was all God’s plan.
I was in the operating room with her.. with Cas. She was lifeless but for me she still is the most beautiful woman there is. My doctor said that it had to be done as soon as the donor died since the organ will only have 24 hour life-span after it was procured. I wanted to be angry with her but I am humbled by her intentions upon doing so. My mom explained how she eventually learned about it all by accidentally reading the results of my check-up a day after her diagnosis, delivered through mail. Her parents told me how she went to church and stayed there to talk with God for hours to seek guidance and support. They wanted their baby girl to fight. So even though it is her desire to stay home, they opted to admit her on the hospital. He understood because he also wanted the same. They wanted her to fight. They don’t want to lose her as much as I.
Cas knew her fate then and what the Lord wanted her to do, that’s what she always said to me. That’s what she always insist. How could I ever accept something so precious? How could I ever get something that’s hers? I don’t deserve it.
But then her mother gave me the letter she wrote the night before. I realized she was expecting to die the following day. She must’ve done all the things needed for donation behind my back before it’s too late, arranging her check-up to know if she could be a good candidate for me. They told me that she only opened it up to her family since they will be asked, as Eye Bank policy, whether she wanted to be a donor even if she signed an advance directive.
“See this Cas? It’s wonderful right?” I smiled as I watched the great scenery. A vast city carved into rocks wherein hot air balloons peppered the sky which skyrocketed the level of beauty of the city. It’s a great place. A great new home. I’m home. I always am.
“We’re one, you and I. Wherever you go, I go. Whatever you see, I’ll see. Whatever you feel, I’ll feel. Don’t worry, I won’t go too far. It’s you and me against the world. Always.” The words rang on my mind. Always, Cas.
It’s been 62 days now since she left and 31 days since the day she came back because the moment I regained sight again, I felt her with me. It’s been 62 days and I missed and love her even more. She was right. God has a reason on everything He asked us to do. And mine was yet to be discovered. I wanted to hate her on keeping something from me but I cannot hate her far too long. I know she’s always here with me, I can feel it.
Dearest Nic,
The moment I found out about your past corneal transplant surgery, I knew there’s a purpose why God sent me a message that He wants me back home in His kingdom the same time I found the letter containing the results of your check-up. It turned out that your pair was easily corrupted as the donor has cardiovascular disease. Still, the eyes that that special someone gave you were very beautiful. It suits you in every way. But then, you have to have a new pair now. Please accept this gift and treasure it with all your heart. I’ll find whoever gave those pair of brown eyes to you in His kingdom and give that man or woman my sincerest thank you.
P.S. Don’t cry too much. I always hate waterworks. I love you.
With all my Love,
Cas
