Why Did I Have To Remember?

I flopped onto the bed in the dark and musty hotel room I'd been forced to stay at. Yet another day that those stupid things had come to my mind. And although they kept reoccurring, they felt familiar to me, as though I was there at the time. At first I just brushed them off as my imagination, but the more they came back and the more they added on, I felt like they were real.

I sighed, picking up a bag of gummies from my nightstand. Sometimes, I wish I hadn't stained the name of Hiyoko Saionji. Maybe once I get off this stupid island, I'll change everything. I'll change my name, my hair, my clothes, my super high school level talent. I don't want to be like this anymore. But, then again, the one person I did want to be I acted like I hated. I acted like she was a horrible, disgusting thing, and I hated myself for it.

How I admire Mikan Tsumiki.

I threw a lemon gummy at the wall in disgust, both with the flavour and myself. Why did I have to remember? Why did I have to remember all the horrid things I've done to this poor girl?

Back when Hope's Peak was a proper school and everyone was happy and healthy, Mikan had been one of the top students - she was kind, and she always did well in school, and was well liked by everyone. And I hated her for it. I hated her, and yet I loved her as the person she was. My burning jealousy got out of control, and before long, I was hurting the poor girl with no sense of control.

Why?

Why did I do that?

Now, it almost seems like her memories are altered so that she doesn't remember how much she was loved, and how many people cared for her. It seems like she thinks everyone hates her. But when we got here, right when I was hoping for a fresh start with Mikan...my jealousy just screwed everything over again.

I hate myself.

I chewed the head off of a gummy bear. I was lucky enough that none of my eating disorder rumours ever spread around Hope's Peak. If anyone were to find out, I don't even know what I'd do.

I slammed my face into my pillow as tears formed in my eyes.

I hate myself.

I wanted to make a fresh start with Mikan.

I glanced at the clock on the night side table. 4:35am. Possibly Mikan was still up, caring for the Despair Fever victims...?

I sat up and planned out the conversation I'd have with her. I'd invite her to the hotel on the first island for tea, and I could sort things out.

I took deep breaths. Everything was going to be alright.

I hopped out of bed and put on my kimono, and attempted to tie my obi. No luck, of course. I was about to call for Mahiru, but then I remembered...

...big sis Mahiru is dead.

I couldn't take it anymore. I collapsed on the ground and wailed loudly. My only friend is dead, and the one person I want to be friends with, probably hates me...

Just then, my doorknob began to shake violently. I quieted my sobbing as I realized: somebody is picking my lock!

I was frozen. I was too upset and scared to even move. Hell, I didn't even care if they killed me. It's what I deserve.

I listened to the lock break, and bursting into my hotel room was the super high school level princess, Sonia Nevermind.

"Ah, miss Hiyoko-chan! What's wrong?" she asked me with a worried tone. I couldn't help it. I burst into tears again.

The princess rushed over to me and knelt down. "Is is your obi again, miss Hiyoko-chan?" she asked sweetly, despite the tiredness in her eyes. I knew I couldn't tell her what I was really feeling, so I nodded without speaking.

"Well, I'm not sure why you're putting on your kimono at 4:45 in the morning, but I suppose I won't intrude...hm, well, there is a full body mirror inside the back room of the music club! Perhaps that would be of use to you?" Sonia asked. I nodded silently again. "Very well!" she replied calmly, standing up. "Alright, I'll leave you to get yourself changed!"

And with that, Sonia was gone.

I stood up slowly, and wrapped my kimono around myself. I tucked my hotel room key inside my kimono before running off to the music club in the early morning's dawn.

The music club was impossible to miss, even in broad daylight, with it's loud, neon flashing lights. I tiptoed inside, where the room and stage were pitch black. Fumbling against the dark wall, I eventually found my way to the back room. I opened up the door with a loud creak and stepped inside, hitting the wall to find a light switch.

I knew I'd have to try to make myself look alright for Mikan, so I tried to put on my obi as best I could. In the end, I ended up with it on backwards, but it looked okay, I guess.

I clipped up my hair with my two light green cat bows and brushed my hands through my hair to make it look brushed. I admired myself in the mirror. It wasn't as good as big sis Mahiru's, but it'll do.

I clicked off the lights in the back room and stepped out, and immediately noticed something was off. The lights were on, and I was dead positive I'd never turned them on. I scanned the room before noticing something up on the stage.

Wait a minute...that isn't a body, is it?

I sprinted over to the stage. This had to be some kind of joke or something. I examined the corpse closely, but sure enough...it was the real deal. Another student was dead.

As the body of the student hung from the ceiling, I had a look at the outfit. The student was wearing a hospital gown. So it was one of the depair fever students...

It was also definitely a female. That ruled out Komaeda, that crazy freak. And the chest was too small to be Owari...does that mean...Mioda...?

I grabbed the bag that draped over the victim's head and started to pull it off, before a familiar voice stopped me.

"Drop the goddamn bag."

I immediately dropped the bag and turned around to see the other student in the music club. And, although the first person I wanted to see, she was the last I wanted to see here.

Mikan Tsumiki.

"U-um...Mikan! There you are! You see, I was here looking for you...I wanted to talk to you..." I stumbled, as Mikan drew closer to me. "W-would you like to go get tea with me?"

As I was backed into a corner by the taller high school student, I noticed something I hadn't seen in the darkness.

Mikan was holding a knife, and approaching me fast.

"N-no, Mikan, please...I just want to make things right!" I squeaked out before hunching down in the corner.

"That's too bad, Hiyoko Saionji."

She seemed to savour her words and she pointed the knife at my stomach. I held my hands over my stomach in an attempt to block her, and that's when she went for the kill.

She slit open my neck, and blood began to gush out.

As I felt that last bit of life trickle out of me, and attempted to choke out an apology to Mikan as my last words, I could only think...

Why did I have to remember?