Protect but never serve

Chapter 38 - Funeral

A/N : - the song above inspired this chapter! Hope you like it!

"Mum you need to get up," I say opening her bedroom curtains. "you've been drinking again," I say picking up the empty bottle of whiskey from her bedroom floor. I head downstairs and throw it in the trash. I head back upstairs to get dressed. I put on a black skater dress, a pair of platform heels and some jewellery. I still wear my promise ring from Elijah, I add a rose bracelet that my father got me and a pair of black dangly earrings. I grab my clutch and head downstairs. I wait 5 minutes before heading back upstairs to see if my mother was awake. She was up and dressed, she was just sitting on her bed with a new bottle of whiskey.
"we have to go," I say taking the bottle from her hand and grabbing a tissue from her bedside table to wipe away her tears. I then stand up and head to her bedroom door
"Jade," she says and I stop and turn around "thank you," she says
"for what?" I ask confused
"for sorting out all the arrangements for your fathers funeral," she says and I smile and head downstairs. she joined me shortly after and we leave.

"are you ready?" I ask her when Arthur parks the car. "here" I say handing her a mint.
"thanks" She smiles. We then head into the church. The ceremony was nice and it was my turn to stand up and make a speech. I was so nervous, this was one speech I had planned. I go over and over it in my head before walking up to the stand to speak.
"my father.." I say then pause to hold back my tears. "he was an amazing husband and an even better father. One of my favourite memories with him was when we would sneak into the garden when it was raining and make mud pies. He would find worms and chase me around the garden with them" I smile at the memory, I let a few tears roll down my cheek. I simply brush them away and continue. "me and my father have always been really close, he helped me with my homework, he read to me every night and he was sat front row at all my piano recitals. When I told him I wanted to be a fashion designer he said" I pause again, and take a deep breath. "he said, finally I can have some decent clothes in my closet. there is a reason I don't make tailored suits, the first time I tried went horribly and I was devastated. my father took the suit and wore it to work that day. He told me to look up not down because up is the only way you can go. He was a great businessman who was always working but he always made time for his family" I look down at my mother who was crying but smiling up at me. It was the first time she looked proud of me. "My father's death came too soon. He had such a life ahead of him and he will be truly missed. If it wasn't for my father I would not be where I am today." I say I couldn't hold back my tears anymore so I just let them fall. "I love you dad" I whispered looking over at him in his coffin. I go and sit back down with my mother. We head outside and watch him get lowered into the ground, we throw in roses and we listen to a prayer. It started to snow in the middle of the pray, it was mid-December so it was expected.
"we are all heading back to the house for the wake," My mother says
"go on without me, I'll meet you there," I tell her.
"I'll take Barry with me so you can be alone" My mother smiles at me before getting into the car. My father's grave was placed in front of a bench. I sit down on the bench and cry. I was cold but I didn't care. I have held back my tears for so long, I pushed it all away so I could plan his funeral and make all the arrangements. My mother had started drinking, my father was her whole world and he was gone leaving her with me. Suddenly I felt something against my shoulders. I look to see someone had placed their suit jacket over my shoulders, I look up to see Elijah stood there. I stopped crying so I could focus my eyes, just to be sure it was him. I smile up at him and he smiles back. He sits down next to me placing an arm around me.
"I'm so sorry" he whispers and I start crying again. He just held me and let me cry. Even when I stopped crying he didn't let go and I didn't move. We sat there for so long, I lost track of the time.
"I'm the one who should be sorry" I eventually speak up
"Jade it's ok," Elijah says but I interrupt him
"it's not ok. Elijah, I lied to you, yes, but the way I feel towards you wasn't a lie. I'm in love with you Elijah and I wish I had just told you the truth because losing you" I say and I start crying again. Elijah turns my face to look at him, he then leans down and kisses me gently on the lips. He pulls away and rests his forehead against mine
"the second I left my heart told me to turn back. but my head was angry and hurt forcing me to keep going. I haven't stopped thinking about you, wanting you or even loving you. I don't care if you lied, I don't care that we argued. All I care about is you and I want you back so bad" He tells me. I place my hand against his cheek and kiss him again
"I'm ready to tell you, Elijah," I say
"tomorrow," He says and we both turn to look back at my father's grave "your speech was beautiful," He says
"thanks." I say "he would have cried" I smile "how are you here Elijah?" I ask because I didn't tell him
"You're three best friend all rang me. First Tommy, then AJ then Sam. Each one trying to persuade me to come. I didn't need persuading. the second I heard your father was killed I was packing" Elijah tells me
"I'm so glad you're here," I say.
"me too," He says and he kisses my forehead.
"I miss him so much," I tell him
"I know he will be watching over you," Elijah says "he is so proud of you Jade." I smile at Elijah's words. we stayed on the bench talking. I told Elijah what has happened since he's been gone and we talked some more about my father until the sun, set.