This is what bothers me.

As I look for a picture of my father in the 27 folders I have saved in my computer, I come to the sudden realization that the farther I go into these folders the more memories it causes to emerge from the back of my brain. Thoughts and memories I have burried for the past two years two months and twenty-two days. I start to panic because I can't find the picture I am looking for... you know just the usual panic attack.

You can't really see straight, can't remember what you are looking for and then you start getting frustrated snd the next thing you know, you are lying on the floor trying to remember how to breathe. I never knew what a panick attack was until I stepped into college, moved by my self and felt the weight of having to be an adult. It all went south after that.

Anyways. I started to see all these pictures with my friends... well my friends back then because out of the 15 close friends only 3 of them still speak to me. I see that I accomplished what I had set my mind to back then... make memories with my friends before we all went our own ways but what I didn't realize was that I never bothered to make memories with my family... because as I go album after album I can count around 40 picture with my mom or my dad, I have plenty on pictures with my sisters but it's my parents who show up in a picture here and there.

I have never regretted something so much in my life.

And suddenly the damn of tears breaks and I lay on the cold floor trying really hard to remember how to breathe again.