Beyond Repair

Chapter 8

Grief is like the ocean;
it comes on waves ebbing and flowing.
Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming.
All we can do is learn to swim.

- Vicki Hamson

=Chapter 8=

Quickening my pace I hurriedly walk through the crowds of people as I make my way towards our lunch table, I can't help the simple sigh of relief when I see my friends sitting around laughing.

I had decided this morning that I wouldn't tell them about my conversation yesterday with Jace, I mean sure I said I would speak to Annie but the more I thought about it the less the whole thing made sense to me. I still couldn't figure out why he wouldn't just call Chris to get the information he needed if what Charlotte said was true.

Shaking my head lightly I cross the dying grass and placed my bottle of water on the table before taking my normal seat next to Charlotte.

"Hey guys," smiling at them I relieve in the feeling of familiarity as they give me small smiles in return. Sitting there in silence I listen to the mindless chatter of Charlotte as she talks to the others, cracking the lid off my bottle I can't help but not the tension that seems to linger in the air.

Frowning I look closer at the couple opposite me, Chris had his arm around Annie who was leaning heavily into his chest with her fingers linked through his. This wasn't an unusual sight but the thing that caught my eye was the somewhat strained tension between them, in fact thinking about it Charlotte was sitting in the same sort of way.

The three of them sat stiffly while they seemed to make forced conversation, I could help but feel that I was intruding on something that I was meant to be. Realisation suddenly washed over me in a churning wave, they didn't want me here anymore.

I mean it only made sense; they had been acting fine before I approached them. In fact, now that I think about it, they had been acting this way towards me all day.

It wasn't like they were excluding me or anything but everything seemed forced and hesitant around me.

I had over stayed my welcome.

Abruptly I stood from the table and grabbed my water causing the conversation to stop around me.

"Alex, are you okay?" Charlotte asked looking up at me in concern. She had no idea how to tell me to leave them alone did she?

Lowering my head I allow my hair to cover my flaming cheeks as I try to hide my embarrassment  "Yeah I'm fine" I lie quietly.

Charlotte doesn't seem convinced and stands up facing me.

"Has something happened?" Shaking my head I bite my lip and turn to leave the table.

"I've just got to go." Walking away I can feel their eyes on my back as I retreat back into the school but none of them tried to stop me. I had no idea what I did wrong but obviously they decided that they didn't want me hanging out with them anymore.

I knew it was to good to be true.

You would think that by now I would be over the fact that people around me always seemed to leave Perhaps I should just become more adapt to having my own company. It would defiantly be easier to deal with; no one would be there to let me down.

Walking through the empty hallways I try to ignore everything around me, even more I try to block the confusion that is building up inside of me. But it is no use as the feeling begins to overwhelm me.

What did I do wrong?

Sighing I basically burst through the front doors of the school and jog towards by bike. Realising I don't have my helmet of school bag with me I ponder the thought of going back inside, but instantly disregard the idea.