Finally the tears came, they streamed down my face like they did every time. I couldn't help it and I don't really know what I was crying about. But I felt so low and my whole body felt so weak and feeble as the tears streamed down. I wish I could run away. Forever, for good so I wouldn't have to face this every day and night. I wish that it could end I don't care how anymore and yes I have thought about doing it before. And one I was so close, standing on the edge of the cliff but I just couldn't do it. Because I have this f***ked up thing called a conscience. No one has ever found out about that, and no I e ever will. It's my secret. But since that day I've needed something to release all that pain that builds and boils up inside me. I wondered just a couple of months ago how someone could ever put a blade to their skin and cause themselves pain on purpose. But I understand now. My body is littered with scars that will probably fade within a couple of weeks to a month because I've never cut very deep. Just enough to get the release that I needed at the time.
So I should probably tell you who I am and stuff about me. So I am Natasha Davis, I am thirteen and I haven't had a very interesting life at all. Nothing really happened. Much to the pint that I still live in the same house in the same small village as I have since I was little. We live in England in Cornwall in a town called Callington and nothing EVER happens here. It's so boring. Well it was until my family started tearing apart. This started to happen about a year ago when my mum and sister just started arguing all the time. And it turned into mum and dad arguing because my dad would always stick up for my sister, Zoe. Then I am stuck in the middle because mum gets so upset and I hate to see her like that, but. It's of the time she is mean to me anyway because she is in a bad mood. But anyway.
I thought about running away before, I've even tried. But I've always been found or gone back because I felt bad. I might tell you more about that later.
Sleep took away the pain for another day. And I hoped to god that I would never wake up.
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But they did. My phone was buzzing on the nightstand and Niall Horans's solo in What Makes You Beautiful was playing- I loved the whole band but he was my favourite. I hit the dismiss and swung my legs over the bed. I walked over to the bathroom and took a shower. The first cuts stung but I was used to that. I got out and washed my face and dried my hair. I went over to the full length mirror and looked at my fat thighs disgusting stomach, massive boobs, and flabby arms. I hated it- all of it. I decided that I would skip breakfast because it might one day help with my stomach or thighs.
I did the usual and left the house to get the bus. As usual I got ignored so I put my headphones in and kept my head down. School was exactly the same so I kept my head down and worked hard- I don't know why though because the teachers never noticed. To them I was the dumb girl who shouldn't be there (i went to a grammar school).
I got home and I knew the only thing that would cheer me up would be 1d. So I blasted it through my head phones to drown out Mum , Zoe and Dad. I didn't come down from my room at all,not even for dinner even though I felt sick with hunger because id skipped lunch aswell, I got into bed and buried myself in a fanfic because just for a minute it felt like I wasn't living my life.
Everyday goes on like this, it doesn't change and I don't know how much longer I can take it.
Authors Notes
This chapter isn't very good but it will get better I promise. But I feel this it is important.
This is the very first thing iv written so I'm sorry if its not that good but I would be very very happy with just one read to be honest!
Dani xxx
