hi, my name is kim jinwoo and i have a lot of problems. i mean, and you're watching disney channel. i don't want to seem narcissistic, but lets talk about me, shall we?
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let's talk about love. love and friendship, and everything in between.
love, what is it? well, it's different for everybody. for me, love is a neurochemical con-job that fools me into thinking that someone cares about me enough to hold my hand and kiss me goodnight. love is a word with no meaning, until you finally meet your soulmate and blurt out that word, in between two pronouns that define yourself and your partner.
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saying "i love you" is meaningful, as long as there's truth behind it. saying "love you" has no meaning whatsoever. it's not coming from you, apparently. who's it coming from? where's it coming from? who loves them?
saying "i love you too" sounds like an agreement, as if you signed up to love them and repeat that phrase like an emotionless robot. you don't choose who you love, it happens naturally and you can't really control your emotions.
it's kind of scary that it's a proven fact: you can fall out of love to the same reason why you fell in love. once, you loved their hair, how flowing and soft it was to the touch. now, it's caught in every crevice of your pillow and will sometimes land in your drink or food, and you find them disgusting, when you at first found them astounding. their once cheerful attitude, always perky and happy to make your day brighter, has just became a constant annoyance to your life.
i once said those words to someone who didn't treat me fairly, and it made me think for the longest time: everyone i fall in love with will be just like this, they will hurt me and throw away my feelings just like they did.
that's not true.
i'm scared to fall in love again, but i think i am, and it's kind of fascinating. i love everything about this person, but i'm still unaware if they even like me the slightest bit. that's just my anxiety talking, i can't help that. i'm scared they'll find someone better. i'm scared they'll leave me. i'm scared to be alone. i'm scared of everything.
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