Have you ever felt whole? Because I certainly don't. I'm longing for that word you call love. Any type of love to be really specific. Coming from that special someone or a friend even my family. I never felt cared for. I feel empty inside. Yeah, my family might buy me things once in a while which makes me happy well at least for a while. But is that what I really want? No, it isn't. Don't get me wrong I'm really appreciative about the things I get but I rather have someone caring about me then some material. But it is what it is. It makes me sad how happiness can be limited and that sadness can seem very unlimited. Music has kept some individuals sane, including me. We just got to keep looking foward and not look back. We have to look and feel happy well that's what people expect us to do. We have to enjoy every second when we are happy because it doesn't last long and can end in an instant. Good things don't come toward me but what if I start running toward it? Or is there something at all to run to? Maybe if I stop thinking of how long my happiness is going to last, I should instead think how I'm going to be happy, maybe my whole outlook in life would be different. I don't cut myself or have suicidal thoughts. I won't throw my life away like that. I would rather punish myself by living with myself. I think thats worse than death it's self.
