Prey on the Weak, Honor the Strong

Bailey.

I never really, deeply thought about love. The pain and the destruction that follows behind it. All anyone ever thinks about love is the.. well, love. I wanted that. Love. I wanted to experience the fun and I wanted someone to care for. Hell, I wanted the pain too. I wanted the whole damn thing. But still I wanted it. Wanted. I really needed love and I got it. I found love. The love I thought I wanted, I got it. That's why I know how, difficult and destructive it is. It hurts people, it hurts a lot...

School isn't always so bad. Think about it. You meet new, potential friends there, potential future boyfriends or girlfriends, and old friends. School is a place to mingle.

I've had a crush on this guy a year older than I, for about 3 years now. He graduates this year and him and I have grown to be close friends. We met through mutual friends and we never stopped talking. His name is Julian. He's tall, very pale with long dark locks of hair, and he's our quarterback. And he calls me Bai, which I think is cute. We text all of the time and we try to go out every weekend, with each other or with friends... unless his girlfriend calls. She's sweet, smart, active, and fun. She's everything a guy like him wants, rolled up into one. She's not the most attractive, but guys like Julian don't judge based off of that. She's blonde and tanned, she wears these squared glasses and she has the single most perfect teeth I've ever laid eyes on. But when they spontaneously broke up, I thought I had a chance.

It was over the winter break. He was... different. I could tell something was off, even by the nature of his texts. He never really uses slang, abbreviations, or makes incorrect grammar mistakes. I appreciated that, but I still did the 'trending things'. So when he started doing that and making himself sentences short (half the time his phrases made no sense). I noticed he started getting distracted easily, when ever he came over to watch movies. And one night, there was chemistry between us...

I invited him, and some friends over for a movie night. He was the only one that came. I thought since he was single, I could be a little more attractive.
"Hey, I'm gonna turn off the lights", I whispered.
"Sure", he answered back.

When I sat back down next to him, my whole body became tense. He kept glancing over at me every 5 seconds or less. It was like he wanted to kiss me but didn't know how I felt. I wanted to kiss him just as bad. He had the most perfect, pink and glossy lips. I scooted closer to him. My body kept tightening. I put my hand on the floor next to him, hoping he'd put his hand on mine. He did, but he put is hand down so fast, I couldn't keep up. We looked deeply at each other. I knew that in this moment, I found Love. Anxiously I bit my tongue. He grabbed me so tight. He was so warm and safe and comfortable. He kissed me. HE kissed MY lips. It felt like I was kissing the perfect lips. I grabbed his shoulder and waist, tight. He lifted me up, and stood. I crossed my legs around him, while we were lip-locking. He walked into my room and he threw me on the bed intensely. He almost literally started ripping his clothes off. I watched him, hyperventilating and excitedly. We took a pause, as he looked at he with the most beautiful look I could ever see. I sat up and put one of my hands on his face, the other his neck. I kissed him. I pulled him onto the bed, and we were at it again. He started lifting my shirt off, I helped. Now we were only in our underwear. We spent the rest of the night doing, well... what you're thinking. We had sex.

The next day I found myself in an empty bed, naked. I wanted to scream out, but I didn't. That night was the best night of my life... Well I thought it was. From then til the first day back to school, he ghosted me. Yea he did that really shitty thing. And I was devastated. I cried for the first couple of days and then I was bored. Why was I crying, he had just gotten out of a relationship. What did I expect? Obviously by reading this you could tell I was his 'rebound'. Let me tell you, being a rebound isn't fun... like at all. All I wanted was answers. He didn't contacted me for over a week. What a shame.

When school started again I was ashamed in myself and pissed at Julian. All I was thinking was 'we were basically best friends, yet he didn't care enough to spare my emotions'. I kept wanted for the year to be over, I wanted to spend the rest of these four months avoiding him, entirely. I didn't see him until lunch, which I regretted I went to. I sat at table lonesome, because i'd usually sit with him and his friends. I watched around waiting to see him suddenly appear in the cafeteria. I did. I saw him. I watched him walk to "our" table , and sit carelessly with "our" friends. I dodged the opportunity of confronting him because I knew it'd do me no justice. 10 minutes into the lunch period, I heard a large lunch tray slammed almost hockey-like next to mine. When I looked up to identify the figure, I saw no other than Sophia's cocky facial expression. Nervously I almost silently gasped. All that was going on through my head was, what happened over winter break and if she knew. I couldn't bare the chance of hurting her or her, hurting me.
"Hello.. Sophia", I blabbed out.
"Why aren't you sitting with your friends?"she replied.
"It's just one of those days. You know?"
"So I'm guessing the fiasco with my boyfriend, didn't turn out the way you thought it would, huh?"
I continued to recklessly play with my food while avoiding eye contact with Sophia, any chance I got.
"Hello. I'm talking to you?"
I quickly tried to pretend I was going to throw away my tray. She isn't the type to give up.
"What the hell are you trying to avoid, huh?"
"Could you not push the subject?", I cried out.
She grabbed my wrist as I tried to escape to the garbage bin. I tried to resist, but the more she pressured me, the more I wanted to tell everything.
"LET ME GO! I don't want to talk about it." I shouted drowning out all the typical lunchroom chatter. Doing so, I attracted an unwanted crowd, which made me feel vulnerable. I glanced at Julian searching for assistance, but he turned back and continued to converse with "our" friends. I just wanted to scream and shut down every god damn word I could hear coming from either Sophia's or my apparent friends' mouths, whether they were talking to or about me or not.

When I finally got out of that hell hole, all I wanted was to go home and take a hot shower, while drowning my sorrows with sad songs. Before I could even make my way to the sidewalk, I saw Julian. The thing is, there's a hell of a lot kids at my school. Over 3,000 students per class. So when we all get out, there's like a small pathway to get through the large crowd of humans that like to stick around after hours (which is basically everyone). Meaning the only way I could get through was by going pass him. I sneakily made my way by until..
"BAILEY!", I hear a voice yell.
I slowly turned to see a "friend" of mine... A friend that sat with Julian at lunch.
"What", I replied tiredly.
"I just wanted to talk. Like have an actual conversation. Not you getting mad and telling me off."
I nodded slightly. We paused and stood there for a moment until I said:
"Are we gonna walk... or?"
"Umm. Yea", he quickly replied,"so about what happened at lunch... What exactly happened? No one told Kiera and I. Julian was acting unusually happy. I thought that was weird until I found he go back together with Sophia-"
"What!?!?"
"You didn't know?"
"No..."
It was obvious that my face was saddening but no one knew I liked Julian. I wanted to cry and yell all at the same time. But I didn't because, no one needed to know what happened between Julian and I. I stayed quiet for most of the rest of the walk after I told Pharr to shut up.

Finally, it was the end of the year.. finally. I successfully ignored everyone, outside of my family, for the whole year of 2012. The last day was the best day of the year. I wasn't going to see anyone for a little over two months, that was heaven to me. Plus Julian graduated a week ago. I didn't go to the graduation not did I congratulate him, though. If he wanted me there, he'd apologize, break up with Sophie, and invite me, so...

Time flies. Two years later...
College is a hell of an experience. You meet a LOT of people and you're finally and adult. It's the best time of your life. More parties and going where ever the hell you want. I want to stay here forever. But nothing can be forever.. especially Love. You know what I found out this weekend from this news. Julian cheated. He cheated on his newest girlfriend and you wanna know what she did? The report says, young 19-year-old Julian Hansen, gets brutally murdered after he cheats on current girlfriend, Tamila Trevejo. He got what he deserved. But I don't think my daughter will want to know how her father died when she gets older...