Reading Between The Lines

"What's Wrong With Her Face?"

My name is Olivia and I am a model. But not the stereotypical kind. I'm not a stick, nor am I the size of a tree. I'm in the middle. and when I was younger I always thought that I had to be one or the other. I couldn't just be normal. But now I realize normal isn't what I ever want to be.

What is normal? is it society's version of comfortable? When something isn't normal is it because they're not used to seeing it? This is what I have to say about being beautiful, and feeling proud of how you look.

The first 5 years of my life I had almost perfect skin, with the occasional freckle across my cheeks. Somewhere around 10 years old I developed really bad dry skin issues and its stayed with me to this day. I've tried almost everything to get rid of it or at least make it not as "gross". I felt so ugly with dry skin because my face became very red from trying to wash my face. exfoliates didn't work because they dried my skin out even more. Everytime I used a scrub it would get rid of my dry skin only to have more appear in the few minutes following. my skin would burn from different creams I would put on supposedly designed to help dry skin. I have combination skin so the outside of my face is oily but my T zone is extremely dry all the time. no matter what I did nothing ever helped. I tried makeup but it only made it worse, I would put foundation over my dry areas, only to have my skin flake off and my face become patchy. everything you could possibly imagine I tried. I probably went through about a big bottle of night cream every month because my skin soaked up so much. I've been dealing with it for about 7 years and up until about a week ago I hated the way I looked and how my face looked all the time. I had gone to doctors to get help and their advice but nothing seemed to work until I found a face cream by Neutrogena. The first time I used it my skin burned because of how damaged it was from exposure over the years. But it worked. A little bit got rid of my dry patches almost instantly. My redness was almost all gone except when I washed my face, which is normal for everyone but it worked.

About 2 months ago I was signed with a modelling company and I really didn't know why but I was. I was really happy up until the meeting with my agent where she said I had to change the way my face looked in order to stay with the company. Meaning suddenly becoming this perfect porcelain doll, which I don't think I have ever been. She told me I had to look perfect like those girls in the commercials but getting into the industry means I found out what everyone already suspected.

Transformation photos like before and after are photo shopped to either look worse then they seem or  have a completely unrealistic outcome from what a client started with. Everyone had unrealistic expectations of me that I couldn't fulfill. Any picture that anyone takes of me I make sure it is completely raw and nothing is done to it because lying to someone about your appearance is creating a façade that wont end positively for anyone. young girls with just as bad skin as me will think that they can become flawless in a week if they use this cream or that mask, simply because I posted a photo shopped picture of myself for some brand deal.

Its taken quite a bit of time but I have become comfortable with my skin and its redness and the dry spells I get because it reminds me that I haven't conformed to society's stereotypical view of what I should look like. Comments appear on my photos saying, "what's wrong with her face?" or "why is she a model? she looks ugly with that dry skin".

I'm a model, but not the stereotypical kind. I am a role model for girls and boys who go through the same thing I did and still go through. You cant become perfect overnight, no matter what cream you use, you can only find what's right for you and stick with it because only you can make yourself happy and be your own kind of beautiful. No matter what people comment or post about you, you know the truth. You wont lie to yourself and neither will I. Be comfortable in your own skin.