Short story #3

Forgiveness is Key 🔑

Growing up, I saw what a family looked like -mine didn't compare. There was a mother, father and two children. I was missing one parent of course- my father. Where did he go besides wander the streets like an ugly duckling that wasn't wanted by its family? All of these years, I blamed my existence for his absence. The true meaning behind it all was, he had underlined issues, he never took care of as a little boy. Yes it did affect me as a young woman because it reflected on how I looked at guys. Would they run off too? Would I be the reason they'd run off? I remember when I met up with my father face to face at Wendy's in staten island. We all had to come together because his mother was on her death bed, dying. It was the Very first time I'd met her. Her skin was pale a bit and it sagged like bags underneath someone's eyes. She was hooked up to a few machines. I looked at her and she hugged me. She smelled like hospital. Being in the hospital made me cringe. Hospitals was a place where people died and where babies were born. I had a scary scene in my head when I had walked down the hall to her room. I pictured the lights flickering on and off and eventually it'd turn off and at the end of the long hallway would be a girl with long hair looking pale as milk and bruises that didn't heal properly and was in a hospital dress. My stomach tightened up just thinking about it. " I just want to go home", she cried. She had cancer and she was in pain. I wanted to cry because it was the worse way to first meet someone- especially a family member. I met my grandma Roberta on her death bed. I prayed for her hard when I left. While going to Wendy's, he extended his arms to give me a hug, I moved away.
When we got to Wendy's, everything just spilled out of me. Before he could fix his lips to speak, I said, " let me just talk first." Tears rushed down my cheeks and had snot coming from my nose as I spoke. "Where were you this whole time? Why NOW you decide to show face? I'd look out when I ran my one hundred meter dash and not see you. You haven't came to one meet or one graduation. What stopped you from attending? The fact that I NEEDED you in my life and you weren't there... for me". I couldn't even look at him straight in his face. I bit the bottom of my lip and looked away. My heart tore into many pieces and he was the cause of it. The tears wouldn't stop coming. I remember sitting in the middle of the floor in the house with my mother and I asked," Is Dad ever coming back"? She just looked at me and shook her head no. " you said you would come to the meets but you'd never show. You know how that made me feel? It's as if you had other important shit to do other then get in contact with your daughters. Yet you laid around and blamed the world but you - You're a coward, a punk, and WEAK"! He sat there; clueless, humble, and speechless. We all went through life changes that changed us whether it was pain, a bad breakup, or death of a loved one. But we never ever let that pain consume us and let it control the actions we make. He did and it affected me tremendously. I was held over in the third grade because I made the world stop since he wasn't there. He didn't show me how a MAN was supposed to be. He didn't call me on my 16 or 18th birthday nor did he make the effort to see me. Yet I did it all- Without him. "How does it make you feel to know the one person that helped create you, aunt want shit to do with you"? " that's not true, I wanted to be - "Well, your actions proved you didn't even want to communicate to me. All these years I've held Hate in my heart because you couldn't pick a year and an age to grow the fuck up and reach out to me! The hate was so great, it made me sick and bitter and made me despise all men because I felt like they'd all be just like you. But you know what ? At some point I had to get out of the hole I fell in because I was digging myself deep in it". I had to come out and get over it. It was a tough pill to swallow but I know there were people with worst situations than mine. I never thought that Hate could be so potent and venomous that it could make you sick. I had to Rise above that and rightfully so I did. As I got older, I realize why you stayed away for so long- you still were still angry because of the way your life turned out. I'd never marry someone like you even if you was the last human on earth, I'd rather die alone and be at peace with myself. I've blossomed into a beautiful young lady and duplicated the brains and the strength from the one woman who gave birth to me- my mother. Forgiving you was the hard part but I realized once I forgave you for me, I was at peace with myself and I could fly with ease and go through life with no regrets felt much better. You'll always have that regret of not having a father and daughter relationship with me because of YOUR inability of not reaching out. It's okay, I've moved on to bigger and better things. Hopefully one day, my husband is someone great, someone that has dealt with their little boy issues- someone that's NOTHING like you.