Teenage Dirtbag

3000 Miles

Building walls is the only thing I’m good at. Well… not literal walls but you get it. If you don’t let anyone get close, you don’t get hurt. Problem, solution, no worries. People around me, friends family, think I’m so very lonely because I’m anything but open with them. My family… oh god my family. They don’t really care how I’m feeling they’re just curious. Snooty, nosey, annoying. All families are like that… right?

I guess I started building my walls around a year ago, even though I mostly kept to myself before then, but that’s when the crash happened, taking away my dad… forever.

My father was my rock. I was a total daddy’s girl. If we did something, we’d do it together, no ifs, ands, or buts. It’s crazy to think that I will never see him again, but that’s life right? He was too young. I miss him terribly.

I guess that explains why I have no friends at school. It’s not that they didn’t try to be friends with me after my father’s death… I just ended up pushing them away like everyone and everything else.

That’s where internet comes in. Yes, I know it sounds crazy, but that’s where my only “friends” are. I know I’ve never met them or anything…but they mean the world to me.  One of them in particular.

Noah Jacobs.

Now that my dad’s gone, Noah’s my rock. He helped me through my father’s death, high school girl problems, and so much more.

Too bad he lives across the country.

We’ve talked about visiting each other. A lot, actually.

‘So… what you’re saying is you don’t want to visit me? :/’ I typed into the computer.

‘You know that’s not what I’m saying, Ellsssss! I’m saying I’d love to visit you but I’m afraid you’ll be perfect and amazing and I’ll fall in love with you and not want to leave and… sorry I’m rambling aren’t I? :’(‘

I think that’s the day I truly fell for him. Great, I’m in love with a boy who lives 3000 miles away from me!

Hi, I’m Ella Fitzpatrick and I’m stupidly, horribly, in love with a boy I can’t have.