Dear Robert,
Love and war have many meanings. They leave different scars and marks on people. Yet they both have one thing in common; they hurt. For some it’s faster than others, for some it takes a long time to recover from the after-math of love and war.
To most people, love and war do not make sense. There is no explanation for the callous things that people do when they’re in love. There is no explanation for war. That’s another similarity; there are no clear explanations for the actions that take place in their name. Enough of war, I want to talk to you about love.
Love is hard to explain. To me, however, it is not so. Love can be a weapon of mass destruction. It can bring the strongest, most influential person, even a king or a queen to their knees begging. It can be used for good or bad. Romeo and Juliet is an example of how love can destroy you.
You do not choose love, it chooses you. Once it possesses you, you have no control over your actions. You can fall in love with someone in an instant, whether it be a stranger, foe or friend. You can fall in love at any time. It may be gradual or it may even be in an instant, as it was for you and me.
You cannot blame yourself or anyone, for you falling in love with me and I cannot do the same. We could not have helped it. The instant our eyes met, I fell. I fell in love with you. Suddenly the world became brighter and clearer. It felt like everything had just ‘clicked’ into place.
Suddenly, you became the centre of my being. As I got to know you better, my world started to revolve around you. Whenever you were near, I felt safe and protected. It was you I turned to in times of trouble and need. I found strength and courage through you. I felt like I could face anyone and anything with you by my side.
The instant you left, however, everything changed. My world fell out of orbit. The world became duller. Every day was a challenge. There was not one night I fell asleep without crying. You were my reason for living. When you left I found no reason to live. Every single thing reminded me of you. The sun, the moon, the stars… everything. I do not go to school now; instead I sit in my room feeling empty and sombre. It’s been like this for weeks.
Edward sometimes visits. His visits are the only thing that I wait for, other than your return.
Dad suggested I go out and have fun, get some fresh air. I couldn’t even do that. Each day I wake up with the words that you left me with, ringing in my ears; "I'm going to the war". It scared me to hell that I may never see you again. I tried not to think these negative thoughts, but in the late of night these were the thoughts occupying my mind. You are everything to me. The biggest threat to my life is your absence! One minute you were there, the next you weren’t. I fell like the war is going to be the biggest test in our relationship. If we get over this together, then we can get over anything together.
Each day, each moment, each breath I wait and live with the hope that you will return. It is the only reason for me to be alive right now. Each morning I wake up and breathe in the hope of your return. Each night I dream of your return. You are in everything I do, and you are the reason behind it. You are my everything!
Words can’t express what I feel for you, but writing letters is the only way I can communicate to you right now. I love you! I always have and always will.
Cynthia
xoxox
