One Day Left

I only have one day left before I die. I don’t know why or maybe I just don’t really care. I don’t even know what kind of disease has gotten into me for me to be so weak. Anyway, if the doctor said so, then that means it’s true. They won’t gain anything from lying to me after all, right?

I’m inside a wide, cube room with white walls. My bed is in the middle and it also have clean white pillows and bed sheets. Around me are all sorts of mechanisms that I grew up with. Even though everything is white and clean and all, to me, it’s the same as hell but in a new different façade. A hell where I lived for so many years and still am living on. I feel like some sort of animal trapped inside a cage of torture and pain where I can never leave. Even at the brink of death, I’d see the same white walls and feel the pain that never leaves. Even at the brink of death, I wouldn’t be able to feel the least happiness or the least peace of body and mind. Even at the brink of death, no mercy will be laid upon me.

 Maybe you’re going to say that at least I was granted a life to live, that I have parents, that I didn’t see the turn to the worst the world got to, that I didn’t feel the pain of my heart breaking, that I’m innocent and naïve of everything, that I didn’t see the cruelty of reality, that I complain though I’m ignorant of the world, that I know nothing, that I’m more lucky than you are, that I have no right to complain, that I’m nothing but a kid, but I say that you are all wrong. You think you’re the unluckiest person in Earth just because of being heart broken, losing a parent or two, being alone every time, thinking you were never loved, feeling as if you carry the burden of the world all alone, that you’re always bullied and pitied upon. Then, what do you take me for? I’m a person who grew up inside this hell. I have my parents but I know that they think of me more useless than trash. They said it in front of me. Even knowing the fact that I already am sick, they would still hurt me physically and emotionally. They will always say that I’m a big useless heavy load for them and believe, there really are parents out there that don't care a damn for their own child.

Perhaps you will say that why is it that I still am in the hospital and being take cared of if my parents don’t love me? Well, there’s this big fact that the hospital I am in is of free service. Actually, the last time I saw my parents is 10 years ago. Yes, I still am a child when they left me here. I still am a child at that time but I already know the cruelty of the world. It’s true that I never fell inlove with anyone, but it is also true that I was never loved. You’re lucky enough that someone took the time to be with you and at the least gave you the feeling of being loved. You’re actually lucky enough already to be able to live in this world without being trapped in the prison I am in.

 Most times, I will feel sick whenever I hear news of people dying because of suicide, of people saying how hurt and pained they are for being left behind by their loved ones, of people crying and says they wish they're just dead, of people using other's lives cruelly for their ow benefit, of people killing another of their own kind . To me, it sounded like a big joke where as I am the target of it. To me who wasn’t able to live life as I want to, to feel free and be happy, to love and be loved, to cry for my friends, to get into a quarrel, to do weird but enjoyable things, to me who experienced almost nothing of the unknowingly marvelous experiences of the whole world, it is truly painful to hear others waste their life so easily. You have no idea how lucky you actually are.

Even though I complained constantly, I still know that I’m not the unluckiest person in Earth. Think about it, the babies who died after birth, they weren’t even been able to see the colors of the world, to inhale the hint of loving air, to smell the natural earth, and to experience the world that was supposed to be ahead of them. I may hate all those that are wasting their life when they can live it to the fullest but I still wish that they can change. I still wish that you will be able to realize how lucky you are. That being able to enjoy life even only at times is already a blessing because not everyone was able to have those special times. Really, even at the day before I die, I managed to write all of this. I’m pretty sure that the moment you are reading this, I do not belong in the world of the living anymore. Only in after-life will I be able to feel peace and will be able to get rid of all the hatred and pain. But I still believe and hope that in every person, there will always be a hint of kindness left within.

____-|<===========AUTHOR'S NOTE===========>|-____

 I've been thinking for so long whether i should post this or not and finally i've posted it ! :D thank kissesoftherose for that :D and also to one of my friends in fb [which i don't know the real name xD] that person said that i captured humanity in this article and i'm very very happy to hear that :D. although i still think that it didn't capture humanity as much as i wish, i'm still happy that there was a person that was able to see that even if it's just a bit :) kissesoftherose said this was awesome and that she felt as if she was the patient herself. she also persuaded me A LOT to post it her so yeah thanks a lot gal !!! :) enough with my talk xD i just wish that you loved this :)

-----humans all have different opinions from one another. one person's feelings may change depending on his/her own point of view. everyone have their own personality and mind that's why a lot have opposing opinions but that is life. even so, some wishes for others to understand why others have another oppinion different from theirs. your feelings itself after reading this may be different from others and that is a given fact. but at times, you have to looks at the bright side of the big picture. even if one have a lot of faults, there is always something right that lights their life-----

THANKS A LOT READERS AND DEAR FANS ! :D

I HOPE YOU ENJOYED READING THIS :D