suicidal

.

feeling suicidal is like planning for the future.

except you know you won't have one

you listen to music. you think about people if you killed yourself.

you wonder if people would care

you write test suicide notes

you analyze those little lines on your wrist and think, they'd be better on a cold pale corpse.

you wonder how many pills you could swallow before you collapse

you wonder how many days you can go without eating before having another fainting spell.

and the moment you step out of your room you're no longer depressed according to society.

only because you smile. it's fake.

that's what that feels like.