I found out I'm not going to Washington for Christmas this year which sucks ass because I enjoy going up there and escaping this hellhole for awhile. Plus staying here means Ericka's going to want me over which is fine I guess she's just been weird lately and I feel like I annoy them and like all friends. I still love Racey but I need to except that there's nothing there anymore but that gets harder to do every time she glances at me in the hallway and smiles brightly before turning away. My friend gave me a piercing the other day but it feel out and when I tried to put it back in it had already healed up to much. I haven't been in the best mental state lately but it always gets bad in winter. I keep finding myself pinching my tummy I'm to chubby I've cut down on my calorie intake and just how much I eat in general I only had a bagel and water today I've gotten pretty good at lying about why I won't eat dinner. It's kinda scary but I've always been a spectacular liar. I had a breakdown today and school was pretty rough I just feel like I piss all my friends off or that I get to touchy an I'm excited. I try talking to Dolan but she doesn't seem to care if its not about her but I love her most of the time. I cry a lot more than I used to I used to hardly cry but now its like 3 times a day or more. I haven't been sleeping ry well and I'm falling behind in school I'm just not motivated to do anything anymore. I'm pretty tired so goodnight lovelies.
