Have you ever felt like the world just stopped revolving around you? You can hear every single drop; no matter how quiet, it feels so loud. Funny thing is you just don't mind it. You still go on with your life, ignoring every single person who says hi to you. You know they're worried but you don't seem to care. You'll just stare into space and wish for everything to just end; for everything to just stop as well. Your heart's just not in place anymore, nothing matters. The world is just in a constant cycle and there's only one thing that keeps replaying in your head.
I didn't mean to start my story in a very depressing manner. But quite frankly, that's when everything began; that's when my life, my "story" began. Sad I know, but it's true. I wouldn't be sitting here typing this all out if nothing "amazing" or "drastic" happened right? Have you read a story that only talks about them waking up, brushing their teeth, going to school, go home, sleep and will do the same thing over again the next day? I have but that's not the point. Point is I don't want this to be all about that even though for the past year that's pretty much what I've been doing. But before that it was...perfect. Or I thought it was.
I was 16 when I met Jake. You're probably like, "Here we go again, another love story." I don't blame you, that's how I felt the moment I met him. The first time I saw him all I could think about is how beautiful his face is. His eyes were just the brightest blue that I've ever seen. His smile, that cocky smile of his was just lifting, encouraging. I couldn't take my eyes off of him when I sat right next to him during Literature. And the first time he looked at me, I felt like my heart literally skipped a beat.
I guess you could say he was my first love.
We started as friends, although I was honestly hoping it'll be more than that. But no, I loved the fact that we were friends. I loved the fact that he knows my name, he sits with me during lunch, hangs out at my place whenever he feels like it; in fact most people thought we were already dating. But no we were friends. We were only friends.
I loved how he used to say my full name out loud for everyone to hear in the hallways. I loved how he knows who my favourite band is, or the fact that I'm obsessed with cheese, like literally. If we're out somewhere and there's an item in the menu that has cheese in it, he knows I'll order that and will request for extra. I loved how we used to "fight" over Disney movies and how dumb Gaston is—he is his favourite. I loved how he knows how fragile I am yet still managed to break my heart.
"Earth to Bella." My best friend Charlie—as he, yet again reminds me how much I still enjoy staring into space, "So...a diary?"
I closed my journal and just opened my laptop instead. I know I could be typing it there but this journal cost me about $15, I might as well use it, "I was just listing some...things to remember." I whispered.
He sighed and grabbed a chair right next to me. Charlie and I have been friends for about, I don't know—since we were babies? To be precise, when he was about 3 minutes old and mom just pooped me out of her vagina. His mom and my mom are best friends since high school and they both had babies about the same time. But mom had Kyle first and his mom had him—and then I followed about 3 minutes later. Yeah you're probably asking why they're not best friends then. Well, they get along just fine; it's just that Kyle likes going out more, meet girls, mess with them and all that but Charlie is completely opposite. He likes girls; he just finds staying at home, playing video games, play the piano, and go to school more fun than that. So unfortunately now he's stuck with the younger sister who enjoys the same stuff as he does. Minus the piano, I'm more of the—painter in the family.
"Why don't I believe that?" he asked, with that sly look on his face as he arches that scar on his brow.
I smiled, "Remind me again how we became best friends?" I mocked.
He laughed sarcastically, "Cause little Bella found little Charlie...charming?"
I stood up, grabbed a pillow and threw it at him, "Oh right, I completely forgot about that."
It has been a year when my world stopped. I have been painting nonstop since that happened. I guess most people will find that a good thing especially if they're into depressing-looking canvasses but—it wasn't fun, that wasn't how I imagined my portfolio will look like.
I couldn't stop thinking about the time when he asked me to go to the fair with him. I couldn't stop smiling the entire time I was there. When he grabbed my waist and twirled me around, I...was in a fairy tale while I was awake. I can still remember how his lips felt when he first kissed me, how he smelled when he was sleeping right next to me. And the night when he told me he loved me—it was all I could think about. He was my first love. And when that was taken from me, it felt like someone literally ripped my heart out and smashed it to pieces.
I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat—all I could see were the darkest of shades. My family was there, Charlie was there the entire time. They knew how much I loved that guy because of how much I constantly talk about him. But I didn't want to burden them with that. I didn't want them to worry. So a few months after that happened, I tried to eat, I tried to sleep. I started focusing on college even if I dread that place the most because I see him there every day. But I focused on other things and slowly I should get there. Slowly I'll forget.
How long do I have to wait?
"Bella." Charlie jabbed my back slightly with a pen. Yup, I'm daydreaming in class again.
"Isabella," Ms. Marquez exclaimed. I hate when they do that, "Is there anything that you would like to share with the class?"
I shook my head, "None that I know of, Miss."
She smiled, "I've been calling you three times already and you just couldn't—hear me somehow," She replied as she walked around the room, "I would like to talk to you after class, if that's alright."
I just nodded. I don't really have a choice.
Class ended, I stayed in class as promised while Charlie waits outside. I can feel that this is going to be a very serious conversation.
"You have great potential, you know?" she started as she looked straight at me, "Whatever it is that you're going through at the moment, it must be really hard—you went from As to Cs, if we're lucky, Bs." She sighed and then asked me to sit. She walked around the room that made me even more nervous, "I don't mean to interfere but I remember what my literature professor once told me, he told me not to let problems at home get in the way with my dreams." Problems at home, right, "It'll be tough but you wouldn't want to keep having those Cs, right?"
I nodded and sighed. She sat right next to me and smiled, "Will I be able to see the old Isabella by tomorrow?" she asked.
I smiled and nodded. She then stood up as I prompted to leave.
And there he is.
