Just you wait~ Lams AU

Chapter 9: Lies

John's POV

My car swerved on the corner, my eyes blurred and misty with tears. Trees and houses flashed passed, looking down at the pathetic boy in his car. Every sob that wracked through me shot pain up and down my sides. Just results from another visit to my Papa.

I swung around another corner. My sobs were becoming increasingly violent, and I was finding it hard to breathe. The car screeched to a halt as I pulled up to the pavement. There was a bus stop about twelve metres down, under the shelter slouched a figure.

There was a dull thud as I dropped my head onto the steering wheel, gripping my head in my hands. I just let the ice roll through me, turning my veins numb. The tears just fell and fell.

Wishing and hoping I could have a life entirely different to my own, I cried.

There was a sharp rap against the window and I shot my head up, wiping my eyes on the back of my sleeve. My movements were panicked, and they must have startled the figure, who jerked backwards.

I start the ignition and roll down my window. There, sat back on his arms, splayed out on the streetlight lit pavement, was none other than Alexander Hamilton.

Before I could get over my shock, he scrambled to his feet and took a few steps backwards. He looked terrified.

Until he saw my tear stained face.

"John?" He asked, taking a cautious step towards me. I bit my lip and averted my eyes. "What's wrong?"

I felt more tears prick at my eyes and I harshly wiped them away.

"Nothing. Fuck off Hamilton." I growled. Alex widened his eyes before  scowling at me.

"Just drop the act, John. There's nobody here to impress."

John turned to the boy, taking in his dripping hair and shivering form. His eyes filled with tears as Alex gave him an awkward smile. John turned his head forwards, barely acknowledging the passenger door opening and Alex slipping into the car.

"John?" He asked in a small voice. "What's wrong?" He asked again. 

"I don't want your pity."

"But you need it." John's eyes widened and he exhaled. Alex shot him an encouraging smile which, surprisingly, loosened the knot in John's throat.

"It's my dad. I don't know what to do. He just... it's complicated." 

Alex sighed. "Success is not final, failure is not fatal. It is the courage to continue that counts." John turned to him with a small smile, pleasantly surprised. Alex shrugged and continued. "I think I understand you now. You hurt others because you are too afraid to let them close to you, yet you resolutely protect those who make it close to you for fear of losing them to your own flaws and complications. Because you know that if they can get close to you then they can break down your walls and see the real you, which is what you aways hide away. You're a walking paradox, my friend." 

John bit his lip and winced at the truth in the other boy's words. He felt the knot reform in his throat. "We all have our demons John. And I don't hate you for anything you've done to me. You were doing what you thought would save you, and I respect that." 

A few stray tears fell from John's hazel eyes and he harshly rubbed them away.

"I don't care if you've forgiven me or not. You don't mean anything anyway," he spat, vehemently. Alex smiled sadly.

"Maybe, maybe not. But I'm all you've got right now." 

Hesitantly, apprehensively, Alex reached his hand across the seat and wrapped his arm around John's shoulder. Too shocked to respond, John was silent for a moment, before he leaned into the other boy's touch.

And suddenly it fell into place. The boy was ripped from his skin, held floating somewhere above the scene with butterflies coursing through his veins and cotton wool inside his head. The Universe stopped and the stars were suddenly brighter. Everything was thrown into sharp relief and he was floating on nothing through the cold air of the night, watching himself lean closer into the the other boy from afar. Or maybe he was just in this other boy's arms, smelling the forest night on his coat. Maybe he didn't need to be anywhere else. Maybe he could fly without leaving this embrace. Maybe all he needed was Alexander Hamilton.

And because John never thinks of subordinate damage and only ever acts upon impulse, he leaned back from the other boy, scanning his face for a moment before tilting back and connecting their cold lips.

That was when John knew what flying was like.