Deliriously Serious 《Dealing with L I F E》

High Schools

So if many of you don't know (which is almost all of you guys) I am of age where I have applied to high schools yeah, yeah I know, I'm a smol bean but whatever.

This chapter is going to be about my struggles when applying to high schools. Now I'm pretty sure that most of you guys understand that applying to ANYTHING is nerve-racking but, for me it was not at all.

The reason why It was not nerve-racking is because I already knew where I was going to apply to, what was going to happen, the process and everything since I have 2 older siblings.

But even though I was so prepared to apply, I was NOT prepared for the revelation that comes with applying. I had very specific high schools I wanted to go to and for so long I believed that I would be accepted but whilst applying I noticed that I had little to no chance at all!

I messed up! My grades were crap in 7th grade! Everyone told me to focus but I never listened. I am not going to lie, I am one of the smartest kids in my class (I'm not gloating it's just a fact, besides that makes this MUCH MORE WORSE) and I always have been. But my grades were never up to par. I could've easily gotten straight A's but I never really cared. I thought my scores would carry me to the school I wanted but I was being naive.

I should be getting a 900 overall if I was a good student but most I'll get is low 700's and that hurts me to be honest..

So I became highly anxious and suddenly went from dancing and laughing to crying and staring at my scores.

I REALLY WANTED TO GO TO THIS HIGHSCHOOL THAT I'VE HAD MY EYES ON FOR YEARS.

The lowest scores they accept are like 740's!

I have to take a selective enrollment test and I basically have to get a perfect score to get into my dream school. Every single day I'd look at my scores and my grades. Every single day I'd ask my family and teachers about principal discretion and if they'd think I'd get in. I became obssessed.

Everyone had high hopes for me and I failed them.

I should have a 600 right now but I have mid- 300's!

I think the most heartbreaking thing that came out of that situation is that it was all my fault. I messed up.

I REALLY tried hard to accept it but it was very difficult. I tried so hard to find an excuse to blame others but it was no ones fault but my own and that was the hardest to accept. It was embarrassing because everyone expects me to get into every high school I applied to, and to realize that I most likely won't was an eye opener.

I literally cried for what seemed forever but I eventually came to terms with my mistakes.

NOW I am a happy camper hehe.. Yeah I did mess up but I still have other High schools that I am pretty glad to have as options.

Why dwell on the past? The most I can do is learn from this and move on. I am fine, it's still a downer but some other schools have specific programs for what I want to learn so that is an upside to looking at the other schools and not being focused on only one or two.

-Vivi